Especially if they're bored on a Friday night, watching the 7:30 Report.

Hey all you fools out there!
Over the past few weeks, I've begun what I like to call the "Post-Lovely Chat Project", which rolls off the tongue with significantly greater difficultly than horrible shows like "THE 7PM PROJECT" or "The 7:30 Report" or "My Name Is EARL OF SANDWICH". To fill in time and to break up the relative tedium and repetition of my life, I endevour to produce a different thing every week. Obviously, this is doomed to failure eventually, but you can reap the relative rewards now. 2 weeks ago, it was night photography, which is on the Tumblr thingy, last week it was a messy attempt to create a new cocktail with wanton disregard for knowledge picked up in Primary School (RED AND GREEN DO NOT MIX). This week, it's time to revisit an old concept. A few years ago, I posted a "THIS IS MY LIFE IN COMIX FORM" thing. Well, now it is back, and with a great deal of possible regret, I present an updated version!



In short, things receive a "Thumbs Up", instead of the usual "Thumbs up the bum" for quality. Hooray?

Perth!

Sneak Blog Attack!

So... Perth.

I'll get the obvious out of the way. I went to Perth to see Pendulum play live and was not disappointed.
I got there about an hour and a half early, because I was told that Perth people like to line up. Turns out that I was about the 15th person there. Yay for me? Even better: I got a park before they started charging for car parks.
I heard Pendulum warming up/sound checking whilst we were all waiting outside. Not only could I hear everything fairly clearly, I am fairly sure that the roof was physically quaking under the loudness of the sound system. Not just vibrating, visually moving. Impressive, considering that I wasn't wearing my glasses.
Before Pendulum, they had a DJ (didn't catch the name...) playing Drum'n'Bass/Jungle and Dub Step. The bass line, particularly through the Dub Step section, was deep and loud enough that they probably could feel it in Jamaica. I'm sure we almost hit the brown note a few times too.
I'd prefer less Dub Step and more DnB... but the mixing was quite good.
Props go to the old man, who looked about 60 and probably there with a grand/child of some description, who was mixing it up with everyone in the middle of the mosh.
And then there was a break before Pendulum made it out.
The light show would have been enough, but there was also a giant screen behind them showing all sorts of CG/video goodness. I've got to be honest, I didn't even see what was happening on stage for the majority of the gig. There was only the screen.
The sound was not perfect... but after about ten seconds, your ear drums compensated for it by being blasted to hell.
One of the best moments was when the MC got the whole crowd to crouch to the floor in the middle of one of the songs (“Slam”? I can't remember which one it was...) before the second rise. A real crowd pleaser.
Roughly a 50-50 mix of the Pendulum classics and new stuff including, of course, the ABC remix (which actually isn't as good live as it is on the radio... but at least everyone was up for it).
They lose marks for not playing “Hold Your Colour”... so that gives them a score of 10 out of 10.

Curiously, I was asked on no less than 3 occasions if I was selling pills. Pretty sure that I don't look that dodgy... right?

---

Now... Perth itself.
I have decided that I am not a city person. Anything bigger than Newcastle may be a little much, but anything smaller than Kal is probably too small. Potential exception: Bega.
I may have bigged it up too much in my head, so I was initially disappointed.
I remember once having written in an assignment that Perth was a well designed city because it was actually designed as a city and not as something smaller that just grew up to be a city.
Well, the problem with that is that project was almost 15 years ago and all cities eventually grow up... and need to have repair and expansion work done. A solid section of the streets and  buildings near where I was/wanted to be were construction zones. That made navigating and driving around hard when some streets were closed or only open in one direction.
To make matters worse, it's been a while since I have had a multitude of one way streets to deal with and it's not that good. Perth is reasonably well signposted but, with all of the road works going on, there were a few errors that potentially lead up to crashes. They also have a few streets that angle across at major intersections. One particular street has a one way street turn in to a two way street whilst crossing over a lane that has traffic lights situated between where you stop and where you actually turn. Sounds confusing? Yeah... try driving it for the first time during peak hour.
Here is an annotated map of the offending intersection:

Red Line is where you stop when heading North. Blue Line indicates the direction the street crossing you takes. The Real traffic lights are the middle circle. There are also two other sets of traffic lights (other circles).
Note the scale on the map? Yeah, this is all within 40 or so metres. Because that makes sense.

The directions from Google Maps don't lie (often... their distances and times appear to be somewhat off)... but the map itself tries its hardest.

"A" Is where I am staying. I am driving in from the North side of the Freeway. I know I must take a loop off at the spaghetti junction when driving south.
The street I want is Mount Street (conveniently located across the middle of the picture).
See how this street looks like it connects (as shown below)?

Well... it doesn't.
That freeway actually runs through the middle, and the street name running across it is a deception. You can not get to the west portion of this street without doing a huge loop around. I'm sure you could at some point in time... but not now.
And if you couldn't do it before, the person who named the streets needs a good slap on the head.
That connection? A bridge walkway... and not a Tunnel as I though it might be.
Needless to say that finding my temporary accommodation was difficult.
This was compounded by the fact that the turn off (Cliff Street) says No Through Road... something that shouldn't really happen when there are multiple exits from said street... and especially when it is a Street and not a Close or Lane or similar. Oh yeah, Cliff Street is also like Mount Rd in that it appears to connect but really doesn't. In fact, Cliff Street is true to its name because there is a drop of 15 to 20 metres from the top part of the street to the one that connects to the main road in the south. How these two pathways ever got the same name, I will never know.
Then there are the streets that are known by several different names... Such as St. Georges Tce, Malcolm Street and Kings Park Road... all splayed more or less horizontally across the middle of the map.
Here is the actual route you need to take to get there:


 I won't show the route I took... but needless to say that it covers almost all of the streets visualised on the map. And then some. And 30 minutes.

Western Australia is a curious place in terms of retail hours. They only recently, as in the past two months, passed laws that allowed some types of stores to be open on Sundays... but the law is complex and certain types of stores are only allowed to be open in certain locations but not others, whilst other types of stores are allowed only limited times.
Midday is not an uncommon time for stores to open on a Sunday... if they open at all.

In apparent contradiction to what I will say later, Perth is a well dressed city... to the point where I felt under-dressed whilst walking around and intimidated when looking for restaurants and cafes.

I still recommend going to Perth. It feels significantly more open and friendly than Sydney. The people here are less uptight and self-important, and there are less of them. Even the sunlight and breeze feels better.

So... what else is there?
Well... whilst scouting out my route to get to the stadium, I found this sign.

Now... I am not sure what they were thinking here, but the whole idea of being Terminator whilst being a real estate agent does not really give me confidence. I mean... would you purchase anything from a robot whose purpose is to destroy human kind? Perhaps I can see their point though: If you demand a piece of real estate, they will erase all resistance to your will and you can claim vast tracts of open land.

So there.

Yeah, I know it's not a post full of laffs... but it is still a post. Enjoy :)

(In the future, there will be technology with personality and a guide to Hannan Street. Yes, I know that I have been promising Hannan Street for a while. It will happen as I finally have a complete weekend or three coming up)

Apocalypse Maitland: Why you can't go home

For some idiotic reason, I returned to Maitland the other week, like how Francis Ford Coppala returned to Apocalypse Now and added a whole bunch of stuff, and making the whole thing unbearably long and painful to watch. Therefore, the analogy is appropriate! Let's find out what living in (relative) paradise means when you finally have to come home.

First thing to do was to have a look around the neighbourhood and see what had changed. I suppose the best place to start would be the Stupor-market. Let's see what wonder awaits!


Well, at least the car can still be driven, I suppose people have become nicer since I left.


The entry to the Supermarket still looks like a detention centre.


See, normally I'd overlook a bit of this sorta thing, but I know what kind of filth lives in the vents of this particular supermarket. See, I went to Primary School right next door to it, and there was this constant seepage from the air duct exhausts which was about half a step above a melted garbage bin in pleasent smell. While this is unpleasent enough, the fact that something was generating this did not cause me to place a great deal of faith in the upkeep of that centre. Given that the vents now project directly onto the floor, with naught a grill to hold back the critters, I can only hope that hygene standards have improved markedly since then. Otherwise... eww.


Turns out that Bacon is a fruit in Maitland.


See, here's a classic sign that you live in Maitland. You haven't thought through how to properly communicate your actual intent. I see this, and I get the following image stuck in my head:



This used to be the hippy shop, where you could get fortunes and readings and all that. Guess they didn't see this one coming.


See, the thing about Maitland is that it's incredibly resistant to change. Especially when that change involves a modicum of effort or thoughtfulness on someone's behalf. Take this shed for instance. It's all wonky and pathetic, right? This is a field for livestock which sees active use. This horse shed collapsed back in the flood in 2007. Is it safe? Hell no. Does one cow jump under it in the rain as it is the only shelter available? Yes. Do all the other cows stand and stare at that cow when it rains? Yes.


How to tell if there have been traffic accidents in Maitland is a simple matter. Just look for unrepaired property damage.


I'm not sure what I find the oddest. The fact that we missed the culpret of this heinous act of graffiti by 20 years and 1 day exactly, or the fact that this shed has developed an infection of something which can only be described as "BIRD HOLES". These are the kind of things that horrors spew forth from in most films. The lesson for the kids and kiddies here is STAY AWAY


But some things never change. Like the spray-painted speed-limit on that sign of 2150 km/h, and the fact that I feel like all my ambition, drive, determination., hope, enthusiam for life, and love for my fellow human drain out of my very essence every single time I enter the city limits.


Visit Historic Morpeth! Yesterday's trash is your future!


Oh what the hell is this I don't even...

I think we'll leave the last word with my dog.
"Dude, you can leave any time. I'm stuck here."

Insta-Post!

Hello, my nasties!
In addition to being neglectful (due to commitments and self improvement and other things), I have created a side-order of Micro-Pain.
It's added to the links bar, but in case you're too drunk to find it, click on KITTEH
Yes, there still will be posts here, long and painful ones of PAIN AND LENGTH (and, if I get my Internet Pills, GIRTH), but this is because short term memory is the worst term memory. DOUBLE STANDARDS ALL THE WAY!

Even More of the Paranormal, According to YouTube

The beauty of YouTube is that not only is it a great harbour for amateur filmmakers, it also gives complete nutters out there a chance to post absolute rubbish. As I have shown at least twice before, the paranormal seems to be a nice little breeding ground for these sorts of videos.


UFOs and Aliens

This category is where you find most of the action. And boy, what horribly bad action it is. This video gives us what other contributions to the "According to YouTube" posts have been lacking: Pointless re-enactments! Thank you sir for showing us how, after you come down the stairs, you go to your fridge. It also contains what they claim is distortion on the video tape caused by the UFO. I suppose it couldn't just be a crap recording, could it?

What makes that video interesting among paranormal videos is that it was shot during the day. Most are shot at night, when you can't see anything and will mistake an owl for an alien. Like these guys did. The only thing that could possibly be funnier is the slow motion replay they've included, complete with slowed down sound.

Going outside to investigate and then running away from what's probably some idiot teenager in a hoodie seems to be pretty common. Actually, mistaking anything for what you want it to be is pretty common. Here's ten agonising minutes of space junk caught on film that people think is ten minutes of NASA UFO footage. Note please their use of the word "expert" in the title.

If you managed to sit through those ten minutes, congratulations. Here's a much shorter video that feels like it's ten minutes long. Wait, which bit is meant to be the UFO? Oh, those three lights. Those three lights that could be anything at all?


Ghost Cars (Seriously)

When you think of normal ghost videos on YouTube, you probably think of clip shows of photoshopped images or some idiot pranking his friends. I bet you didn't think of a ghost car, though. Yes, that's right. a car that seemingly drives through a fence automatically becomes a ghost car that baffles the police. And that video is so popular, it needed not one, but two different videos explaining how the car is, in fact, solid.

Oh, but if you thought that was the only "ghost car," think again. Here's another one, complete with freaked out woman who somehow is convinced by the guy that the headlights they saw belong to a ghost car. Seriously?

Hang on. How can you tell whether something that far away "definitely drove into the trees". Shouldn't you go to see whether it wasn't a real car that crashed?!

Review: This time you can't relate to it!

Welcome, freaks of various sorts, welcome to Rapture another of my lovely, informative poorly thought out rambles!
Right, I'm going to show you all how to do something. It's called "New Journalism". It sorta goes like this:
1. Take a topic which is traditionally reviewed in a certain way (i.e.: Quick outline of plot or concept, likes, dislikes, and a star rating)
2. Replace everything with an insane ramble about how the item of the review makes you wish that you named your dog something else
3. Forget the first 2 rules and just make something up.
I suppose all that's required now is a topic. The current temperature is approximately this. So let's go with...

Things that have been played kind of recently by one or more parties Co-Starring: Delightful Girlfriend


Eufloria - 2009

I think this one can be called "OMG SEED RUSH KEKEKEKE ^___________^" or something equally as abhorrant, but I prefer to think of it as "The sunflower I was given died in the frost and this is a constant reminder of my failures to prevent it from being run over by my neighbour". It's pretty, like those arty wallpapers that those snotty art students who live in a factory and die of exposure would have on their Apple computers WHICH ARE ONLY TO BE USED FOR PHOTOSHOP. Except this one has potentially got laser things in it! Also I can't stop thinking about freaking biology text books whenever I play this damn thing. All those chromosomes and plant bits everywhere. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?
AMAZING MOVING PICTURES WITH PHONOGRAPHIC SOUND!
Delightful Girlfriend thinks that this game is very pretty, but confusing because of counter intuitive UI. Also she likes it when the sounds make their humming sound.


Osmos - 2009

This one goes BLOOP BLOOP BLUM BLUM BLIM and every single review on the Interfails will refer to it as "Ambient" or "Relaxing", whereas most of the words I choose are "OH NOE OH NOE OH NOE". It's got music which there is never enough of, it's got very pretty pretties, and it's a simple concept (being BALLS TOUCHING BALLS). The problem is that I find it insanely frustrating, but, after playing with Delightful Girlfriend, I found that I was just too aggressive when it came to the amazing pooping ball. Her feelings on this matter are almost identical to mine. The early stuff is fun, the late stuff is "IT IS PRETTY AND I HATE IT". It's still highly recommended. I believe it was playing at a certain person's housewarming because it makes a brilliant background for things like parties in fidget houses of Relaxation punctuated with severe rage.


DEFCON - 2006

Ever wanted to be Mathew Broderick? No? TOO BLOODY BAD. Because now you have to be him. Forever. Or at least until this game saps your faith in the inherient goodness of your fellow man. It's all "Megatonnes" this and "London Hit: 12.4 Million Dead" that. I once played this for 2 days. After I wanted to go outside and live in a cave and cry. Which is how I like to imagine Thom Yorke feels like all the time. Or at least until he realises how awful In Rainbows was. There was a reason that album was free, I'll let you guess why, but it rhymes with "Bomb-pleat Kit". Anyway, instead of conjecture, I'll let this here VIDEOES portray the mood of "BLEAK EFFICIENCY".
Delightful Girlfriend calls this the "Horribly depressing game that I don't like even slightly *cries*". It's also the "I'm not playing that, it's horrible"-est game of the year (if the year is 2006).


Team Fortress 2 - 2007

I've said and done more than needs to be ever said about this. It is like an old friend who keeps suprising you with the same old tricks. However, it is also a favourite of Delightful Girlfriend, and results in a reversal of the traditional partner roles. As in I make dinner and clean up, she plays computer games. Also she's quite good at it, as it's easy enough to pick up and play for FUNS. Even though this is the INTERNET. AND SERIOUS. It is easily her pick of the lot (being every game ever, apparently!), probably because it is a mix of her love of Cuteness and ENGINEERING and SILLEH. Everyone loves a hat parade.


Just Cause 2 - 2009

"I am a swarthy Latin clown. I like attaching people to things. It brings me... Pleasure."
Maybe it's just the inner sociopath in me, but there is something so deeply enjoyable about riding on top of someones car whilst they yell "GET OFF THE ROOF". That and causing "LUDACRIS EXPLOSIONS". It's manly. ish. Also leaves a feeling in my stomach. Probably a deep worry about the quality of the building codes in this country.


The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom - 2010

Produced by the studio with the BEST NAME AND LOGO in a competition held completely within my brain, this has things I like. Insane things, Pies, and GENTLEMEN DOING TERRIBLE THINGS TO THEMSELVES. It is stylish, but very like Osmos. In that I had a tendancy to want to quit after about 20 minutes. Goddamn pies. BUT I HUNGER. I suppose it's like American Dad. You watch a bit, get upset at yourself, and then come back to it later. Rinse and Repeat.


Dragon Age: Origins - 2009

Fun times: try to play as an Atheist. You can't. Also you'll get all spotty and every good person is violating human rights and ever EVIL person is probably doing it to save his puppy from cute-itis and support his family and put his daughter through med-school. Also it shows that everyone has a price. But the price tends to be rings and statues and hilarious candies. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED FOR PEOPLE TO LOVE YOU. The secret to love is trinkets. Thanks, Bioware!


Mass Effect 2 - 2009

Let me quote Matt Graham on the quality of the history generator: (half sobbing)"WREX ISN'T DEAD". I put it like this: IN A WORLD... WHERE PEOPLE LIVE... AND DIE... WHAT YOU SAY IN A MEMORY TEST OVERRIDES WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED DUE TO SLOPPY CODING. Never shoved a gun in that dudes' face either. Grumble mumble. Apart from the "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN" moments, it's well put together, and enjoyable, sort of the opposite of Kingsley's Chicken, which to you Novocastrians is what Henny Penny would be like if you removed the delicious taste and replaced it with remorse. I like it significantly. Also gives me an excuse to sing this
Delightful Girlfriend: "Just one more mission, I can't stop now." You've got work in the morning. "But it is addictive" Yes, and now you understand my terrible plight "OOOH NOOO".


FUEL - 2009

Massive, beautiful, but empty world, boring game with AI so bad that I'm actually capable of winning in the Extreme Downhill Motorcyclish Failure of Hilarity race. A good hallmark of a racing game is that I should be completely incapable of winning. This is no so here. The most interesting thing that's ever been written about FUEL is this half delerious mess.


Grand Theft Auto IV - 2008

"PRESS SPACE TO PULL YOURSELF INTO THE HELICOPTER." IT DOESN'T WORK, THE MAN FALLS INTO THE RIVER BECAUSE HE'S WEAK, AND THE VILLIAN GOT AWAY AFTER SHOOTING UP THE WEDDING BECAUSE THIS IS GRITTY. There, that's the actual end as far as I'm concerned, because this is one of those things that tries so hard to be tough, but ends up as just getting annoying and going from "I don't care" to "RAAAR", which I read as "I HAVE NO EMOTIONAL GRADIENT. IT IS A CLIFF". This is one of the few things I have no problems leaving as it is, because it's unwatchable, like a video with the sound shifted by 3 seconds.


Braid - 2009

Soulja Boy is the most astute reviewer in the history of mankind. Therefore, anything I say will detract from his brilliance. OH NOE.


Dead Space - 2008

Finally, we get to this. Or as I call it "Mr. Stompy's Hilarious Engineering Adventure". Right, I want you to come up with the most blatently awful name for a man. Fit it to a genre. It'd be like having a movie about a female period writer called "Emily Austin" or "Jane Bronte". Considering this, we end up with a PROTA-GON-NIST called (Brace yourself) "Isaac Clarke". So, MISTER STOMPY is off on his adventure of screaming and putting boots through boxes and ARM PIECES on a series of "plot twists" more predictable than the reaction my intestines will have when I drink a litre of milk.
Now, Delightful Girlfriend had seen the promotional comics for this game, and wanted to know what it was like because she was interested. I showed her a bit of it. Her reaction was "Can we stop now, I'm scared". How scared? This scared. HOWEVER. She was playing it wrong! It's not a horror game! It's a COMEDY GAME. The hilarious 1 dimensional characters, coupled with the japes you'll have with the "enemies" make this a joyous romp of sillyness. You've got things which might as well say "HEY MAN I'VE GOT NO LEGS BUT I'VE GOT A TAIL IT'S PRETTY NEAT YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT?" and "THIS IS LIKE A JUMPING CASTLE COMBINED WITH A TUMBLE DRYER AND THERE IS EVEN A KITTY" "SUPRISE! It's your BIRTHDAY!" "I'm bringing Sexy Back" and "(giggles)Stoppp it! You'll give me a hickey!". There's even callbacks to Father Ted "It's the Spider Baby! It's got the body of a spider, but the mind of a baby!"
Overall impressions? Simple

Kalgoorlie: More Phails and then some Win OR Why did I decide to make blog titles like this a tradition?

Maybe because I couldn't help myself... or perhaps the madness is spreading.
Delays due to the previous post of Lambie's sister site with movie discussions.

I am going to start where I finished off last time.

This is because a few weeks ago I had found something funnier than the obvious.
Now, on the outlook, this is a pretty funny sign, I am sure you will agree.
What makes it funnier is that it tells you to call someone... without giving a phone number. You may say that it is an old sign, which is true, and that the number has faded off. I have closely inspected this sign, and it appears as if there never was any number on the sign to begin with. This sign has just recently been taken down after spending apparently 10+ years up at the centre (like most of the other signs). How they ever expected others to call them without giving a phone number is beyond me... but it seems like par for the course here.

And, speaking of golf terminology, they have two golf courses here and are putting another one in. Actually, that's a lie. They have two and 2/18ths of a golf course.
"Huh? How does that work?" I'm glad you asked.
They have two proper golf courses... and part of one that makes up two holes of the "Nullabor Links", where the idea is to play a few holes of golf at several different towns along the way to make up the 18 holes.
This is the picture of the course at the bottom end of Boulder:

And here is a picture of the higher class course at the top end of Kal:

The following is not directly Kal related, but more a stab at the hospital-bureaucracy-gone-mad. In the time I have been in Kal (four and a half months), there have been THREE new WA Health managerial type positions/departments created. That brings the system up to roughly a metric bus load of Managerial positions, of which only three, maybe four, are directly related to health. The rest of it is trying to run the hospitals like a business.
Here's a hint on how to save money, ailing health system: Stop creating new bureaucratic positions so you don't have to spend more on redeveloping people, paying additional managers (and so additional manager salaries) and creating inane announcements about the wonderful new positions you have opened up.
I refer to you to Parkinson's Law and the Coefficient of Inefficiency. Here, the more people employed in a bureaucratic position the less work gets done. Anyone who is vaguely interested should take also a look at this short study in pdf format. Highly amusing.

Speaking of business, I present to you an image of the Kalgoorlie Business Development Centre, as opened in 2003.

Apparently, Kalgoorlie is not going to have many developed businesses any time soon.
Actually, that's the thing here: A lot of businesses, primarily retail shops and cafes, come and go. Since I have been here, there have been at least five stores put up "Store for Sale" signs and/or gone out of business and/or been redeveloped. Speaking to one of the locals, this appears to be the norm. It is apparently not unusual for a business here to last only a few months before having to pack up.

 Kalgoorlie is full of history and the main street is interesting.

This is the old clock tower that has been up since the late 1800s, i think. As with many old towns/towers, it has bells that go off on the hour. Unlike most towers I know, however, it will also randomly ring during the hour. Occasionally it is at half hour intervals, which is fair enough, but sometimes it is at quarter hour, or near enough (like 20 past), intervals. No one has given me a reasonable explanation as to why this is the case.

More Fun with Skimpies:
- There was one in the Palace that appeared to have had a boob-job... but one of them was pointing in a noticeably different direction to the other. Either that or she is unfortunate enough to have naturally decent, but directionally uninhibited, breasts.
- Several Skimpies work at several different bars. Stay around long enough, especially if they stay around long enough, and you can get to know them reasonably well. One of the locums here figured out who was more likely to get him a glass of whiskey without much/any soda water (they have the same No shots/bombs rule as Newcastle, so you have to have a mixer).
- In what is probably my crowning achievement in Kal so far, I got yelled at by a skimpy... without intentionally being rude or dirty.
A group of us, two guys and two girls and myself, were yelled at by a skimpy at the Palace... Quite an achievement, considering the dodginess of the regular patrons. See, she came around asking for tips as is customary in such a bar. Being that it was getting towards the end of our night out, we had numerous near-biff situations when attempting to play pool there and we were about to leave, we declined.
“You guys realise that this is a skimpy bar, right? A bar where we don't wear much and get our tops off?”
“Yeah, but we are heading out now.”
“God, why the hell did you come here then???” *storms off*
*table left stunned and asking if that just happened*
To be fair to the Skimpy, this night was particularly dodgy in terms of patronage. Even more seedy than normal and more geared to erupt in to violence, and I would put a fiver on more than one skimpy having been somewhat manhandled without consent earlier that evening. To be fair to us, would you give money to someone who abuses you? Also, most Skimpies do not bother trying to collect tips from people that are obviously not there for the Skimpies or will just smile and leave you alone if they try and you decline politely.
Absolutely Hilarious.

And now for the promised WIN in Kalgoorlie.

We have an Indoor Beach Volleyball centre here. The walls are tight but flexible nets that the ball is allowed to bounce off (as long as it does not touch the roof netting). There are four courts next to each other, so you can watch the other teams play whilst waiting for the restart. It is insanely fun.

The following is an image of one of the newsagencies/corner stores:

The following are the better parts of the sign above the store:
"Small Goods, Big Goods, Good Goods, No Bad Goods"
"Cut Rate Neurosurgery (conditions apply)"
"Open from Horribly Early until Terribly Late"
"Stationary" (not actually sure if that was an error in spelling, as it is supposed to be "Stationery"... I'd like to think that they were trying to be smart even if they weren't... largely because next to "Stationary" there is "Mobiles")
"FREE Insults at proprietor's decision"
"Buried Treasure Maps"
"EXIT Instructions - for deserving cases"

If you are ever here, you MUST visit the Super Pit.
Pictures do not do the grand hole justice.
They have semi-regularly scheduled blasts and times of any scheduled blasts for the day are posted in the Tourist Information centre of Kal. The Super Pit is freakin' huge. As if it was some child's ultimate dream, you can see what are actually really massive trucks look like Tonka toys in a giant dirt pit. You could sit there for hours if you wanted.
I, of course, have done no such thing...
The people I was with at the time forced me to go after half an hour, under threat of leaving me and making me walk home.
And they are going to make it BIGGER and possibly eventually take over Boulder. I have yet to do a proper tour, but I will do so sometime and let you all know how it goes.
For Size comparison...

That's a ute within the arrows.

When it gets shut down eventually, we should totally fill it with water and go SCUBA diving in it and/or turn it in to a giant waterslide. Totally worth transporting all of that water in there. Failing that, make some sort of Grand Kal Rally, where failing to take a corner results in launching yourself to the bottom of the pit.
Other wins, not related to Kal, include How I Met Your Mother, Arrested Development and Chocolate whenever I want it.

Hope you are all having Fun :)