So Seb, What have you been up to?

Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.
There was even a daring escape.
Life is good... when I'm not working.

Facebook: A (Hopefully) Comical Rant

Alternative titles I was playing around with were things like "Reasons Why I Hate Facebook", "Some Reasons Why I'm Not on Facebook", and so on. I think you get the picture of where this post is going.


Security, Part 1:

Apparently Facebook is being targeted by naughty boys and girls who like to write malicious software and distribute it using social engineering techniques. This is a minor quibble, since Santa Claus will deal out justice to those people in due course. But I'd rather not have to deal with it in the first place.


Security, Part 2:

I hear that when you first sign up, your profile is available for everyone in the World of Facebook to view. Sure, you can fix this by changing the security setting, but if it announces my full name to the world immediately, without my permission, and without even telling me it was doing it (like it was when I somehow managed to accidentally sign up for Windows Live Spaces or whatever the hell it was), then that can't be a good thing. Ever.

The only thing going for Facebook so far is that you can't sign up accidentally.

At least, I don't think you can.....


Content:

I hear you can sell people and buy people. In the midst of the current financial crisis, this can not be a good investment. Nor can it set a good example. I also hear you can become a vampire and bite people, or some such. Again, not a very good case of example setting, and probably only a good way to meet Twilight fans, of which I am not. I doubt all the other stuff you can do to people is any better if you apply real world logic.

There's also these Facebook Group thingies, the general rule of which seems to be "The name of the group must be at least 60 words long, be super-specific, and sound stupid." And they all sound pointless. The "I secretly want to punch people who walk slowly in the back of the head" group is a prime example, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a "I like to walk backwards for 37 minutes every Saturday morning" group. What's the point? What do these groups actually do? They can't really talk about the subject of their group because they've said most of they need to say in the super-long title. There's only so many other things you can say about walking backwards for 37 minutes every Saturday morning, and the stuff you can say is about as interesting as "Nice weather." (It wouldn't surprise me if there was a "Nice weather" group too.)

And that brings us neatly to the real killer: the conversations that take do place, anywhere in the midst of Facebook. Bob once mentioned his arse in an argument, claimed that it was due to logical progression, and therefore legitimate conversation. If Bob can mention his arse, I do not want to imagine what other people are capable of talking about. Such things should never be written/typed, said, implied, sent via Morse code, signed in any form of sign language, or (God forbid) drawn/photographed. I don't want to ever have to read stuff like that. I'd rather not be reduced to tears, thank you very much.


Reputation:

Let's face it, all social networking sites have had their reputations soiled by several things..... Alright, one thing: MySpace. From the stereotypical people who use it and their ability to torture the English language, to the page layouts that made a trip to the optometrist mandatory, it dominated the social networking scene and adopted a scorched Earth policy at the same time. The social networking landscape will never be the same again.


It's Not Efficient:

Everyone who I want to give out my contact details to already has them. If you've already got them, why do I need to tell you all what they are again? And why do I need to sign up to some service to do that?

And even then, it seems to me that you all only seem to be using it as a glorified messaging service to tell people about your next party. You're still not being efficient because you've still got to tell the people who aren't on Facebook (e.g. Me) by Some Other Means. So why not use that Some Other Means in the first place? Wouldn't that be easier? I mean, I'd still have to sign in to Facebook in order to see all this stuff, whereas if you just emailed me, it's in my Inbox ready to go.


"But Lambie, You Can Have All Those Alerts Emailed To You!"

Oh, so it can spam me with notifications, can it? Brilliant.

I won't ask why you can't just cut out the middle man (or should that be middle face?) and just email everyone, once, with the notification they need. I suspect the answer will dismay me.


You All Seem to Hate It Anyway:

No, really. Every time Facebook is even brought up, it always seems to be about how you all hate it and don't know why you use it. "It crashes my laptop if I leave it open and put the screen down." "I don't want my details spread out to everyone in the world." "I don't care if it's some guy's birthday who I went to high school with. Stop telling me." Sound familiar? All those quotes came from Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2006. (You.)

No one's actually managed to give me a convincing argument as to why I should be using it. All I see and hear is reasons why I shouldn't.

Against my better judgement, I present this....

Hey Peoples!
In a series of increasingly stupid dares with myself, I've been attempting the emulation of the (amazingly excellent) A Softer World, and so, I present to you, some fan arts of sorts.





Normally, I'd ask you not to call the police, but I think I fear a visit from Joey more than anything the autorities can do. That man will punch you in the penis.

Hearts & Minds

Congratulations, London. You've won me over. Sure, you've got absolute tripe on the TV, the prices on everything are predominantly huge, and the level of security and paranoia is frightening, not to mention that the police will stop you in the street for looking out of place, and travelling around is a nightmare.
Yes, inspite of all your ills, you have won me over.
This is how.

You've got Pvt. Hudson's Armour.

A Message From the Caretaker

Let's face it. While Seb's gone, the blog won't be quite the same. However, let me reassure you for the umpteenth time that this does not mean there will be no updates at all while he is gone. I will continue to give you new content whenever I can, but I can't guarantee that it will be as frequent as Seb's offerings.

In other words, you've got no excuses to stop checking this place for updates. After all, if Seb does end up posting something you'd miss it, wouldn't you?

And let's not forget that Eurovision is just around the corner....

Stay tuned!

END_OF_LINE

Hey fellow fools, since the economy crashed, and crashed harder than running my computer on a 40 degree day with no airconditioning (Read: The GPU overheats and turns off, and won't turn back on until you turn off the computer and let it have a good hard think about WHAT IT HAS DONE), the costs of living and such have risen through the roof, and, on the advice of my "accountant" (a shrivelled up moth in a jar), I am liquidating assets and fleeing the country for greyer pastures. London is calling, and it's telling me that I can now be the ultimate cheapskate by not watching TV because you have to pay for it over there. Woo! Also Colour is too expensive these days, so I'm going back to Monochromatic Vistavision, instead of the expensive Technicolour. The wonders!
So! Whatever is to happen to this, the dead-end of the Internet? Well, I suppose that you might get some more postings from I, but I wouldn't put your house on it, or you'd get forclosed. Just wait and see, is the official line.
Until further Notice, I leave the blog in the hands of Lambie, to do with as he sees fit.

GAME OVER

CONTINUE? (10)

Depth charging the abyss

Unfortunately for all those involved, there were still more horrors to be unearthed. Tales of lessons long since lost to the mists of time, references to "in-jokes" (with myself, unfortunately), and what some are interpreting as an unadulterated stream of consciousness. These could be considered the staple of such arcane scribblings.
Of course, there are the occasional exceptions to these rules.


This incredibly archaic find appears to predate the previously shown "Year 9 Diary", which is an almost unheard of occurrence. Note the savage and untamed flow of the epic tale, divided into chapters to prolong some semblance of logic and progression. The shear power behind the writing indicates to us that the author must have worked himself into a furor, similar to the berserker viking warriors, cackling madly as he butchered the rules of literature without abandon.


Moving on, here we see a rare example of a completely intact title page! The fact that the vast majority of our finds are constrained to a 2cm wide section of the page further highlights the importance of this work. While we revel in it's colour, we see reference to a historic event, which some of the academies more enthusiastic researchers refer to as the "47 Pags = $940" night. The common consensus is that this event occurred back in the completely undocumented time known as "Schoolies", but most stories heard today must be taken with a grain of salt, as the ravages of repetition of generational story-telling have warped some versions of this tale beyond recognition.


In this article (a rare example, as it is also not confined to the "2cm regions"), there are two main areas of interest. The first is a comparison of two historical figures, believed to be father and son. While most works reference the elder as a Walrus, here we witness a burst of unbridled creative spirit, as the artist has chosen fruit over mammals. Deeper meanings to be drawn from this startling find are being feverishly discussed, and the academy is expected to release the results in 8-16 months. The second item of interest comes from the female form, which some say represents a "Lilith"-like figure. Some have identified her as the threat sleaze poses to self esteem, or the danger of false identity. Others simply say she is a drug-fueled slag illustrated to draw attention and ridicule. The truth? We may never know.


In a much celebrated return to form, precious scribblings were found once again, creating a great deal of 'excitement' (read: Terrified wailing and howling) for the archivist whom located the aforementioned text! References to music, culture, and everyday life litter these columns. They give us a glimpse of many things, including Science, which was only available to the mass media via "Brainiac" in those days. Dark days, when Richard Hammond was referred to as a sniveling little twerp, it is whispered, rather than the People's Champion he is known as today. Parallels may be drawn between him and Robin Hood, who's reputation amongst the people similarly mutated over time, until the early days were long forgotten to most.


The above image has been enlarged in order for some of the finer details to be examined. It is believed to be one of the few remaining documented Year 12 Physics scriptures left in existence. Further speculation on the nature of this strange work is underway as of present.


In this collage, we see the work of several periods combined into one, which oddly enough, does not contextualize the work, nor alter it's meanings. This page seems to be fueled by ennui and rage. Let us not dwell upon it too heavily, lest we end up with the rumoured "Tourettes Column".


While the previous collage held many stories and tales, this image contains some of the earliest known images of "The Toaster", a near-mythical being who sees into the dark hearts of men, and knows what you are up to. This moral compass is still in use today by some prominent scientists. Also of interest in this collection are what appears to be visual learning aids for probability and chance, despite the maths being lost to time, the concept of the problem is still obtainable, and has been left to the reader as an exercise.


On this page, we see the tale of "Karyn Vs. CAT5 REPAIR FANCIER", a tale of torment and suffering. Due to apparent size restrictions, the complete version of this tale would not have been recorded here, as the number of CAT5 fanatics was both overpowering and too horrifying to be fully committed to paper, it is said. We also see reference to a meat-based feast, or at least the planning of. While some details about the actual event still remain, these appear to be alternative suggestions for the event! Such a rare find! We also find a tale of blundering upon these pages, in an incident known to an educated few as "Scooby Doo with Sodomy". The rest of the tale has, unfortunately, been lost to time.


In our final exhibit, we have a large collection of pieces, spanning all of the "University-Era". Of interest is the heroic tale of the "Cuz", and his noble plans for his nonadecannual celebration. Stirring tales of chivalry, indeed! The remainder of the work can be entered into on extended detail at request, as can any of the other works.
I humbly seek your forgiveness,
Snr. Fratosaur Esq.
Boog Div.