Odds & Sods - OR - BARGAIN BIN CONTENTS!

Hey Kids & Kiddies! I'm clearing out my bin of all the stuff that's just too odd or obscure to post elsewhere! So, let's see what we've got in store for you TONITE!Figure 1: Hey Kids! It's everyone's favourite monstorsity, El Pollo Diablo

Figure 2: My 2nd favourite bumper sticker encountered at uni. First place goes to "NERD PRIDE"

Figure 3: Yes, you read it right. "Fancy Rats".


Figure 4: Jimmy Carter Vs. The Swamp Rabbit
Figure 5: And here was me thinking that Donnie Darko was set during Halloween (Hint: IT IS).

Figure 6: I'm sure you all know what this is.

A Guide to Public Transport: Why Driving to Uni is Almost Better

As you all know, I am one of the few who can rely on public transport (i.e. buses) to deliver me to and from the front of the Maths building at Uni. It seems, though, that I am the only one of us that travels between the Uni and the CBD (CBD defined here as "area in which the CBD fare-free zone for buses is", which may not necessarily be the same as "Central Business District of Newcastle").

Therefore, I have the unique opportunity of examining many of the possible bus routes. From my selected departure point in the CBD fare free zone, I can catch approximately 50% of the buses that pass through the University campus. Using experience and anecdotes, I will demonstrate why you should catch only one of these buses. At most.

The available bus routes can be divided into two categories: the 100/101/103/(108) category, and the 226 category. We will examine both of these separately.


100/101/103/(108)

If I told you that these were all in fact the same route in disguise, you would call me a dirty liar because Travis can only catch one of these (I think). The truth is that I am not a dirty liar, because all of these routes essentially follow the same path from the CBD until they get to the University campus, and then decide to go off on their own adventures once they leave. Even the bus company agrees with me: their proposed changes to this category essentially involve replacing them all with one route number. The only exception to this rule is the 108, but since it only runs about four times a day at Inconvenient O'clock, I've never managed to find myself on it.

The main clientele of this category can be easily guessed when I outline the main attractions these buses go past. Once we've left the CBD, we soon hit the main TAFE campus. Then it's onward into the black heart of Mayfield (down Maitland Road past the main shopping complexes). Then, and only then, do we head on to the University.

If that wasn't a dead give-away, we'll break down what sort of person each of these areas is likely to attract. The TAFE attracts TAFE kiddies. TAFE kids are easy to spot. If the bus is relatively empty, they'll be sitting down, and so all you have to do is play Find The Emo. If other people are sitting in those seats, then just look for the punks who won't sit down, even though there are available seats next to someone else. Their lack of social skills are rivalled only by school kids.

The shops at Mayfield attract two, very different demographics: stereotypical bogans and stereotypical old people. The stereotypical bogans will smell like cigarette smoke and use a four-letter word every 2 seconds, regardless of their proximity to small children. In fact, the use of four letter words seems to increase as their proximity to a small child decreases. Some may even bring their own small children along, allowing you to experience the ultimate stereotypical bogan parent.

The bogan parent inadvertently allows their children to do whatever they please, because they have no parenting skills. The children, who are usually old enough to be in pre-school, have the ability to give screaming babies a run for their money on the "Irritating and Annoying Scale". If you don't get a bogan parent on the bus, you'll get a screaming baby, and vice versa.

Stereotypical old people need no description, but I'll describe them anyway. They wear stereotypical old people clothes (a couple of the old men look as if they have come from Stereotyipcal Old Europe, using walking sticks and/or wearing odd hats). If the bus should move while they're still standing up, your innards will seize up as you wait in horror for them to tumble over.

The University itself brings nondescript University students. Pick a random student in the Brennan Room, and they'd be a good representation of the type of people departing this bus as it rocks up to the Maths bus stop. Pick 50, and you'll probably have the people who got off this bus at University. So many people get off this bus at the Maths bus stop that it literally empties itself. If you happen to be one of the two people who got off at the Design stop, you will have departed quickly (probably to avoid the brewing assumptions of everyone else that you are doing a Bachelor of Arts).

But the worst part is what the bus brings to the Uni from the Great Beyond as we travel back to the CBD: punk school kids. Picture the worst school kid imaginable on a bus. Now picture 30 of them up the back, generating the most annoying rabble one can imagine. If you can help it, do not listen to their conversation. The combination of topic, language, and conversational style will make you want to cry.

Sometimes they sit down two-by-two, if they're sitting with a friend. If not, expect them to be standing in the door bay, getting whacked in the back by the door every time someone needs to get off the bus and causing everyone else to think there are no seats left (so they'll just stand in the aisle down the front, eventually creating a big long line back down to the driver). The standards in school uniform and general grooming seem to be lacking at best.

The 100/101/103/(108) also demonstrates several interesting phenomena: occasional Bad Bus Driver Syndrome, regular Lateness, and an apparent excess of Time Lords as passengers.

The bus route suffers from Bad Bus Driver Syndrome as it seems to be the route that all the bad bus drivers get put on (probably as punishment). They may drive too slowly, they may drive recklessly fast, and they may not pick up passengers at all (they've got to look like they want to get on for the driver to even consider slowing down). If you want to catch this bus, make sure you signal the driver, just incase.

Regular Lateness is something we've probably all come to expect from public transport, but a brief examination of other routes would suggest that they all arrive somewhat on time. Not so with the 100/1/3/(8). The times they print on the timetable for peak hour are the time you should leave your house to go to the bus stop. I have seen buses on this route systematically late due to a regular influx of nondescript University students. I have seen them be so systematically late that you're better off catching the bus that arrives 20 minutes later, because you'll arrive at your destination about 5 minutes earlier.

Having a regular influx of University students at the same time each week would imply that you would see familiar faces on the same bus each week, right? Wrong. No matter how many times you catch the same Uni-student-filled bus at the same time each week, you will never, ever see the same face twice. Apparently everyone who lives in the CBD (or at the very least catches a bus from the CBD) is a Time Lord who regenerates their physical form on a weekly basis.

There is one, very big saving grace for this category of bus routes. If you do manage to get on it outside of a peak hour (which actually isn't as hard as it sounds), then your trip to the CBD will probably be rather swift. It just may not feel very quick if a few bogans and TAFE kids get on along the way. That, and there's one of these buses about every 20 minutes at most.


226

The second category of Buses That I Can Catch is, in many ways, the opposite of the first category. It doesn't follow main roads, it isn't full of punk school kids and bogans, there are familiar faces you see every day, and (believe it or not) it's usually on time. (I've only ever seen it horrendously late a couple of times.)

I once overheard the 226's sister route, the 225, described as "a leisurely stroll through the suburbs". The 226 isn't much better. It meanders out towards Broadmeadow Train Station before heading up past the Mater Hospital and on to the University. But somehow this can work to its advantage. No main roads means lighter traffic, less passengers, and thus a relaxing trip. It usually doesn't take all that much longer than the first category of buses.

It also goes past at least two schools (and I mean directly past them), and through Nine Ways, aka School Kid Central. But the 226 demonstrates a rare phenomenon known as the School Bus Paradox: hardly any school kids ever catch it, even when school is about to start or has just finished. See that big pack of 50 kids waiting at the bus stop? Only about 6 of them are going to get on.

The average number of school kids on this bus at any one time are along the lines of 3 in the morning, and zero in the afternoon. Those three in the morning are part of the wider clientele that is made up of regularly appearing humans, and not perpetually regenerating Time Lords. In fact, I've seen some of these people so often that I've unintentionally given them names (which are most likely NOT their real names):

If one catches the 226 to arrive at Uni for a 9 a.m. class, you are likely to encounter David Stratton, a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to the well known film critic. Sadly, he is not accompanied by a Margaret Pomeranz look-alike.

On the same bus, you are also likely to encounter the School Kid Trio, also known individually (in my head, anyway) as Cathy, Teigan, and Tom. Some among you might find those names awfully familiar, and with good reason. "Cathy" and "Teigan" are so named because one is a redhead, one is a brunette (who looks a little like her namesake, if one were to age the Real Teigan backward 10 years), and they are never, ever seen separately (just like the real ones). Tom is a logical extension, as he also looks like the Tom-aged-10-years-backwards who would hang around the former two. Yes, it's complicated, but I'm confident that at the very least Seb will know what I'm talking about.

There are also a few people who make appearances on a less regular basis, ranging from "Appears somewhat regularly" to "I've only seen you a coupe of times but I still know who you are". The School Kid Trio are also sometimes accompanied by a fourth member and her mother. I have yet to actually give these two names, but they are starting to make so many appearances a name is inevitable.

A fifth, older school kid (probably in the first years of high school) also sometimes catches the bus. I have decided to call her Shelly, because she always seems so detached from the world and curled up in her own little protective shell.

David Stratton is occasionally accompanied by Rat-Tail Man (yes, this sort of rat-tail), and you may occasionally see Re-l among one of the 20 people who get on at Broadmeadow Station. (Re-l Who?)

The other 19 people who get on at Broadmeadow Station are the typical sort of University student you are likely to encounter on this bus. You know those hippies that hand out fliers out between the Maths Bus Stop and the Maths building telling us to be a more active, politically aware student who writes to Opus every day? You know, the ones that block your way to getting to anywhere on campus? That's what these other 19 people look like they should be doing or, worse still, want to be doing.


Conclusions

So which of these buses, if any, should you catch if ever you need to travel between the CBD and University? Well, as Tim rightly pointed out in his debut post on his new Blogger-based blog, public transport is a mess (although I may have paraphrased a bit). If they can't even get Sydney right, then quite frankly you shouldn't be catching a bus at all.

But it's not all bad. Yes, if you are an inexperienced bus traveller who freaks out when you see the same bus in front of you because the one that should have arrived 30 minutes ago is half an hour late, then you are going to loathe using public transport. But if you choose to catch buses on a regular basis, you'll eventually learn how to cheat the system and get where you want to go on time with a minimum of hassle.

In other words, make a schedule for the day, plan ahead, and catch the 226. They put all the good, comfy, air-conditioned buses on that route.

... and all the English are barshterds! - A Guide to drinking in Maitland: Part 2.

… and so we continue our trek into the dark abyss that is, not so much the underbelly, but rather the plainly visible section of Maitland. Of course, I refer to the pub “scene”. So picking up where we left off from (where Oily, oily death was nearly achieved!), we return to the analysis of the creeping terror that is: PUBS OF MAITLAND

5. The Belmore

This pub is located near the Lorn Bridge (Maitland’s premier strip poker location! Just ask anyone who went to my primary school!), and is on the same block as the Library (a collection of fungi & other night terrors). This pub is different to the ones traditionally found in Maitland, as there are multiple exits available! Indeed, this pub has a certain vibe to it that does not suggest imminent doom or immolation by madman, a trait present in the majority of pubs in Maitland. However, some claim that this is a good pub. It has also been pigeonholed as “Friday Night Reunion Gone Horribly Wrong” (AKA High School Musical 7), although considering the fact that I did not attend a Maitland-based High School, I am unsure of this fact, and independent observers are required. As seen in the photo, this pub appears to be similar in nature to a University pub, right down to promises of “Deflowering” on the sign outside.

The shocking thing that makes this pub unique is that you can actually see into the pub, thereby knowing that you can enter and not be king-hit by the first loony who looks your way (The 2^nd loony carries no such disclaimer, as he has the ‘look’). Why would this be? Could it be the proximity to the Library? Have the studious vibe of the free internet access and books of high calibre (“Hey! There’s NEKKID people in this one!!”) be creating a gentler, kinder Maitland-ite? (Fat chance.) Or maybe the (now famed) Chainsaw shop, where “Heaps good parties & shit” are to be had, have been sedating the masses. I do not know, and this bothers me. I would have attended one of these shin-diggeries, but after you live in Maitland long enough, you learn not to go waltzing into an unknown venue without 3 known escape routes planned. This one only had 2, and that was unacceptable. But I digress

Further research will be required in this area, and a “posse” should be assembled for a systematic examination of this apparently “Cheerful” place. Will it hold up to closer inspection? Only time will tell. My expectation is: No Way. PREPARE FOR FAILURE of the HILARIOUS sort.

Typical Patron: Younger peoples, a gentler crowd apparently (I doubt this)
Typical Music: Unknown, presumedly standard music (NewFM circa 2002?). Have only ever heard “The Corrs” playing in it.
Atmosphere: Friendly?/It's a TRAP
Prices: Average
Reasons to Visit: Giving yourself a very good reason to never go to a High School Reunion.

6. Shenanigans

A pub that screams “Wanna get in a fight that the cops won’t turn up to, but can’t be bothered driving to Newcastle to visit M.J. Finnegan’s?” The dark paint, copious advertisements for Guinness, and what appears to be a cage on the side (under the guise of a “Smoking Area”), only reinforce this notion.

I have only ever seen one person immerge from this pub, and that was one man whom I was extremely surprised to see, as I had shared Fibre Optic Suffering with him in 2006. He was a man of character, and constantly leaving early to catch trains to the Blue Mountains. But what was he doing in Maitland? I never discovered, but he muttered something about everyone who didn’t do Honours doing the same job in Sydney, himself included. He then re-entered the pub, and was never seen nor heard from again. I, on the other hand, continued my quest of the time for Thai food, and did not venture into said pub. My reasons? Two: 1. I wouldn’t know how to get out, as Shenanigans appears to have almost Labyrinthine qualities, with possibly a beast at the centre, and 2. I was hungry & wanted to see Lozi doing her ‘thang in her place of employ.

According to accounts of people who have claimed to of visited, the place is either “Packed” or “Ghost Town”. The darker nature of the pub attracts those whom I could describe as “lout-ish”. It appears to be another Irish Pub, and these are similar the world over. They serve beer you can chew, and have a Dancehall. (Keen readers will know the tale of what happened when said Dancehall was found to be empty, and parties were redirected to my home. (Resulting in Unpleasentries due to indiscretions of certain persons, all of which we sincerely hope were in jest)). My dear Father has a grudge against this particular pub, probably due to an event he was sent to that was unsatisfactory. He muttered something about it being “Too loud”. SALUTE THE IRISH! Or attempt to, as the only Irish flag I could find in this town has no orange on it, and only a thread of white left. BUT IT’LL DO! (see below)

Typical Patron: Irish Pub Fancier/DANCERS. BOOGALOO BOOGALOO BOOGALOO
Typical Music: Varies. Average pub musics, mostly.
Atmosphere: Varies. Either Sardine city or Ghost Town, with lecherous old men
Prices: Eh, they’re alright
Reasons to Visit: I’ll think of one in a minute…. Ah screw it, I’ll just go to the pub.

7. The Grand Junction Hotel

This pub is one of the first sights that will greet you upon entering Maitland (via the Train station). It also prepares you for Maitland, as a whole. The place is quite run down, has a mud puddle for a car park, and plenty of middle aged ne’er-do-well’s present at any time of the day or night. Ordering a drink that is not “Tooheys New” will get you attacked in this place. Like seriously. The place is poorly lit, and appears to have some kind of cave-like quality, which it could be said is a reflection on the knuckle dragging, unwashed average patron for the pub.

Typical Patron: People who have lost the will to live or never had the cognitive ability to contemplate their dilemma in the first place.
Typical Music: Pub rock all the way. Live bands on a tri-weekly basis, all Pub Rock.
Atmosphere: He sure got purdy teef
Prices: Average
Reasons to Visit: “I want to live like Common People! I want to do what Common People do! I want to Fail like Common People” etc.

8. Caledonian Hotel (see Grand Junction Hotel image)

This pub has the distinction of being within throwing distance of the Grand Junction, which brings up the question of why would you have 2 pubs within such a close proximity of each other in the first place? Surely this is an economically unviable situation! The pubs are basically identical, except that the Grand is about 20 metres closer to the Railway station, and the Caledonian is 20 metres closer to the Primary School. Before you ask, yes, my primary school teachers did venture down to this pub at lunch time. It was the 90’s. People were wild. Or depressed. I think it was a combination of both. But anyway. This pub shares a mud puddle as a car park, and is conveniently next door to a half-way home. Like the Grand, they do not serve anything except for “Working Man’s Beer” (i.e., cheap & nasty) here, and woe betide any man who asks for otherwise. The primary difference between the Caledonian and the Grand, is that the Caledonian has more poker machines, and less patrons. Also, it appears to attract wayward youth, as when taking the photo, I was distressed to count 6 youths wearing ugly oversized sunglasses like that Corey scumbag. I guess that the Caledonian is where the Cool Kids hang out until they get spotted by the cops.
I have no desire to test this theory, as they would probably savage me, as I am not one of them.

Typical Patron: Stupid, Silent types/"Naughty Corey" Wannabes (Outside)/Disgruntled Old Men (Inside)
Typical Music: Pub rock, and don’t expect anything else
Atmosphere: As a child, this place turned me off pubs. Go figure.
Prices: Alright. Nothing special.
Reasons to Visit: You’ve got a 40 minute break, and you can’t cope with those little brats without booze/A loss of the will to live.

9. The Currency Lass (BONUS!)

Here we see the final stage of the Maitland Pub lifecycle. The pub becomes borded up, and blackboards promise “REOPENING SOON”, although a quick carbon-date of the message reveals it to be at least 4 years old. The place is now a shell of it’s former self, full of lice, pigeons, and the occasional junkie. It comes as little surprise, as a town as small as Maitland shouldn’t have 9 pubs in it (Yet, somehow, this occured). Of course, historical records show that there were at one stage 28 pubs in the town, but that’s madness (Including the amusingly named “Tooth’s Exchange”). So if you’re looking for excitement in a barrel, go jump in the river, because the Currency Lass is the last place to look for that kind of tomfoolery, although some former pubs are a tonne of fun. It’s at the dead end of town, where the car dealerships & Rivers are.

Those of you with keen eyes will have noticed that the Auction was due to take place in 2007. This photograph is 2 days old. Go figure.

Typical Patron: Pigeon/Transient
Typical Music: Creaking Floorboards/The hum of traffic
Atmosphere: Delapidated/Disease Ridden
Prices: (Reserve not met)
Reasons to Visit: To remind of how much this town is the bane of my existence/Ennui.

You may drink, but you'll NEVER FORGET: Part 1

On that note, let us begin the next, rather delayed chapter in our Guide to surviving Maitland (Unfortunately, due to budgetary constraints, we will not be covering how to deal with the zombies or roaches in the Mall). The best way to deal with Maitland is to take the advice of the local railway station (Leave. Immediately), or to become oblivious of it’s presence. The two legal ways of doing this are: Total Frontal Lobotomy & Inebriation. In this instalment of the guide, we will focus on the latter.

Let us begin with a tour of the local venues, each more terrible than the last, no matter how you approach the order! Yes, through the power of EVIL, every pub, no matter which order you visit it in, will be worse than the one before it. The scientifically minded may put this down to the bunch of thugs &/or hooligans that have assembled and are following you around, waiting for you to step into a secluded area, or possibly due to some kind of terrible fungus that tends to gnaw on the medulla oblongata, which increases in ferociousness as time spent in Maitland increases.
So, without further stalling for time, let us get down to the real nitty gritty!

1. The Clubhouse (Ranked Equal 48^th Most Violent Pub in Australia with 8 others!)Is intelligent conversation important to you? How about a pleasant, relaxed, and safe atmosphere? If these things rank at the bottom of your priorities list, then come on down to The Clubhouse! Here you can experience one of Maitland’s finest attractions! That’s right, kids! You can be picked up by someone who is at least twice your age, missing several of their front teeth, and have a drug dependence! Only the finest of the genetic stock assemble here! Still confused on what to expect? Click Here, but don’t Click Here, because that will just confuse you even more. Back back on track! As we can see from the attached photo, the pub appears “nice”, but closer inspection, the true nature of the pub is revealed. There appears to be an object of some sort on the roof, but the real evidence is found by venturing inside the pub. The 1000 yard stares will have you wilting for your life as you quickly survey the surrounds looking for an exit or an implement to defend yourself with. The best advice for visiting this pub is: “ Don’t ”.
Typical Patron: Bogan/Violent Bogan
Typical Music: Bogan Rock (CHISEL, Mental As Anything, etc)
Atmosphere: Oppressive/Fear Inducing/Oh God Why Did I Come In Here
Prices: Average
Reasons to Visit: Suicide (Be it social, mental, spiritual, or physical, the Clubhouse caters for all your self harm needs!)

2. The Metropolitan HotelDon’t be fooled by the Art Deco/Art Nuevo exterior. There are no dapper fellows or classy dames to be found here. It’s more a Bioshock kinda place. You know, with the genetic freaks and other niceties. Being a contender for some of the vilest carpets in existence is just one of this pubs claims to fame. Other claims are overpriced alcohol, soulless rock, broken CRT TV’s that give you eye cancer, a complete lack of lighting, and a “games room” with arcade machines from about 17 years ago, which have all been rendered redundant by modern consoles, or even internet access. Or a mobile phone with Snake II. Playing a virtual bowling game that costs more than actual real bowling seems a bit mad to me. Especially since when bowling you’re not constantly wondering if someone’s going to glass you. Wondering due to the complete lack of lighting, natural or artificial.
The outside of the pub is tiled for a reason. As I have observed many many times, the reasoning behind this is to hose off the vomit. Also present is a bistro called “The Happy Belly”, which has to be one of the most unappealing names my father or I can imagine. They also have a habit of putting balsamic vinegar on everything.
Typical Patron: Blue Collar Workers/Unemployed Old Men
Typical Music: Hard to determine due to low speaker quality. Possibly Rock
Atmosphere: I think he’s eyeing me off, but I can’t tell because it’s so goddamn dark/So this is what “special hell” is like
Prices: Inflated
Reasons to Visit: Sudden transformation into an old, blue collar vampire with 1 fang/Wanting to re-enact Bioshock

3. The HVBThe Hunter Valley Brewery is referred to by my brother as “That place where all the young people seem to go and where I can see a fight on a nightly basis!”. My personal recollections are hazy at best, as the only time I have visited this venue was during a certain someone’s 21^st (as there was another certain someone’s 18^th on the same night, literately around the corner, I do not remember very much of the night except the advice that the stomach cannot contain 5 steaks). If the upstairs area is booked for a private function, this is an excellent venue! However, beware the normal crowd. While not as god awful as some other pubs, they are still along way from the cream of the genetic crop. This pub has expensive drinks, and is considered by some to be Maitland’s Answer to “Frostbites!”.
Typical Patron: Young Maitland-ite
Typical Music: Top 40 & Techno
Atmosphere: Good if private event, Dance Dance Regurgitation if public
Prices: Significant
Reasons to Visit: PARTY!!!!1/Damn, I need to score badly! (Technically, this could be the same reason, depending on your motives)
Secret Reason to Visit: To get a view of the back of the shops next door to see the dogs in cages around the back of the Kebab shop.

4. The Queens Arms

The Queens Arms is a Biker Bar. That’s pretty much all you need to know. You know the drill by now: Don’t touch the bikes. Ever. No eye contact. Get your drink and leave. The drinks are modestly priced, probably through overwhelming fear of reprisals for raising drink prices above those from circa 1987. You could theoretically play pool here, but you’ll probably be beaten until you get detached retinas with the cue before you get within 3 metres of the table. The décor of the pub is as expected: It’s got the tacky neon signs advertising beer comparable with Hobo fluids, and the TV is blaring out SKY. If, by some rare alignment of the planets (but more likely to be due to either a raid by the cops or a deathmatch with a neighbouring gang over some trivial event), the pub is not full of bikers, it will be filled with, to quote Shaun of the Dead, “Sad old fuckers drinking themselves to death”. The rules still apply. Get out while you still can, before one of them goes outside & urinates on your car.
Do not order, mention, or even think about Wine here. Just don’t.
Typical Patron: Angry, Angry Men, Often Bikers
Typical Music: Pub Rock. It’s never anything else. EVER.
Atmosphere: Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
Prices: Cheap, and for a reason
Reasons to Visit: Buying Meth/Losing Teeth/Losing Organs/Losing

Due to Pressing Issues (Being threatened with oily, oily death unless the kitchen is cleaned up RIGHT NOW), the 2^nd half of this thrilling guide will be coming to you in the Not Too Distant Future! Think of it as “Duty Now for the Future”!

Until next time, funkers!

These People Eat Toast in the Shower - OR - Why MySpace will come back to haunt you.

Gaze upon my works and despair, Ye mighty!
But this is the result of expanding the image search to "Show us everything you've omitted". Oddly enough, not a single image from the actual blog makes it into the search results.
YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE WITH US!

Facebook: A new (well, not that new) world of woe

Well, there go all my hopes & dreams.

But, at least this hasn't happened...

EVERYWHERE I LOOK IS A DOUGLAS

Seb's back, baby!
After months & months of terror, pain, and woe of an unspeakable horror, my "Sanity" has "Returned". So now, we are left wondering, I suppose, what now? Now that the terror incognito has passed, will Halcyon Days return to the Blarg?
Well, to be honest, the quality of the posticles is directly related to my Blood Alcohol Level, and this has been, sadly, floating around a level of approximately zero for the last 2 months. This travesty is to be AVERTED! I shall avert it with Gusto!
So let us begin with a world of terror & fear.
Or maybe just coming up with things that will inspire a world of fear & terror in Bob.