THE FIRST CHALLENGE

... is to build a road from the start to the finish line um, it's to tell a STORY in 10 minutes. My effort is available below. It is far from accurate, but could be mundane enough to entertain.

WHO DARES ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE?

Mauled in the Ball

I recently asked myself a question: What can change the nature of a man? Love? Hatred? Power? Greed? Betrayal? Death? Regret? Age? Suffering? Success? No, my answer was Torment. And so begins another sorry postmortem dissection of an event. Except this time I was a willing victim. God save us all.

The event in question is colloquially known as the "Ball in the Mall", or "Wear the same suit as everyone else and have cockroaches crawl all over you while you die on the inside to a poor rendition of Brown Eyed Girl, as played by a 3 piece band approximately 10 metres from your table. Activities for an event such as this include (but are by no means limited to) Eating sub-bowling club meals, Freezing, Going to sleep, and *ahem* dancing.
Now, call me an anachronism if you will, but when people say "Ball", I think "Yeah, now we're gonna kick it 18th Century Style Boyeee!", complete with the mini orchestra and graceful timing (although I'm sure that Jess can attain that I am a little rusty on the moves). That said, I did come 3rd in the year with Brioney Sherrell back in the P.E. Ballroom Dancing Dance-off. Not too bad out of about 80 couples. It's all about 2 people knowing each other well enough to do the thang on the dance floor while looking suitably impressive. Smashing into everyone in the vicinity is also an option. You'll get noticed either way, trust me.
Believe it or not, kiddles, we actually have some live footage from the scene. Let's cross to our roving reporter, situated out the front of an abandoned jewelery store... ME.

Now, I do believe that the phrase being uttered there is "It's like a party every day". Scintillating stuff! Thanks Me!

Dashing, as always.

Since mere photographic material cannot capture the true nature of the other patrons at this event, I shall leave you with a common sight everywhere in Maitland, and indeed, Mauled in the Ball. This is simply known as Chicken Fillets.
Enjoi.
(OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I DREW THAT ARGH)

Gosh.

***LOG ENTRY BEGINS***
9:02PM - I've barricaded myself in. The door is sandbagged. No one can know what I will attempt tonight...

(2 hours later, Seb was found screaming something about a high score table that didn't save, leaving no proof of his "amazing skills", and tracking down a man who wrote a terrible program in 1987. This man had asked for $15US as a token of appreciation for his coding efforts. Seb went looking for blood, but instead found the sad(?) story of a pinball repair man who couldn't. Rage deflected into Pity. SCORE.)

***ENTRY TERMINATED***

Plagurism Korner!

Hey funksters!
Here's a little thing that's been bothering me for quite some time, the appropriate files can be found here. The contents of the file are a copy of a track from the computer game Half-Life (1998), and a song from that Cat Empire spin-off, Jackson Jackson (2007). Maybe it's because I've been out of my mind for the last year, but it only just occurred to me now that this is VERY NAUGHTY.

Unless it's a coincidence, in which case I take it all back.

OR DO I?

Warning: Contains Disturbing Content

OH GOD WHY?
Why am I still wearing a hat circa Midnight? SOMETHING IS WRONG.

WE INTERRUPT THIS POGRAMME

Well, it turns out that the heat has addled my brain. Or maybe it's the fact that a typical lunch for me these days involves me lounging the swimming pool in a bucket hat, drinking beers & eating pizza. BRAINS HAVE BEEN SOFTENED, MINDS HAVE BEEN MUSHED. It's time to remedy this, like a nuclear bomb remedies your face.
So, let us flick through the terrible book of woe to discover what events can be dissected for the "entertainment" of "others".
We begin with a series of nasties that occurred some time ago. My brother invited this old school friend over to have some "laffs" and maybe do a little bit of work on the car. Dude rocks up, with a mystery woman in tow, no explanation of why or who, just brings this chick into the house. My brother notes that this friend has apparently reversed his "Asians are (Insert Racism)" policy and is now "Asian Chicks Only", but can shrug this off due to the fact that this friend may be a better person now, which seems like a fair enough assumption, right?
NO. This guy borrowed my brother's car, put a nice sized scratch in the side, and then neglected to inform him of it, all while my brother was wasting his time on the wired-like-a-rat-nest cabling of this "friend's" car. So, uninvited guests and treachery abound.
STOP! 4th Wall Time!
You: "Seb, this isn't the LOLS"
Seb: "Patience, precious, it is coming. yesssss"
REWIND SELECTOR! Pres Butan
Right, so we were playing the Mario Twins, then suddenly the mystery woman (who was revealed to be called "Snow") exclaims, in a very high pitched and squeeky voice "SICKS!". This was followed up with a slideshow of how to use a Wiimote in a manner it would void it's warranty and the chance of you ever being allowed out in public again. It seemed at that moment, the our minds finally snapped, and I gained a new reason not to post on the blarg. Either that, or maybe my mind has just completely snapped due to having nothing to really do until April. Yeah, think about that.

Alternatively, it could be because I somehow managed to spend 9-15 hours a day playing Fallout 3 for about 7 days in a row. That does things to your mind.
Sorta like playing Guitarzan Hero for 3 minutes will do, although with less plastic guitar and more slow motion colour-drained shots of exploding cockroaches and other things that go "pop-splat-squelch" in the night.
I think that should do for now, my brain is getting tired from all this HARD WORK. Time to go back to what I do best.

Man, I suck at this as much as I do at Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit.

Whoops

It turns out that in order for there to be new content on this thing, I've apparantly got to type things or, even worse, come up with original content. God forbid.
Anyways, maybe it's the fact that I got lazy and stupid because I left uni to do... things.
Hmm.
Gimme a few hours....