Oh, and I got old. Thanks all, much appreciated :)
Back to the sub-regularly scheduled amusement...
Many of the stories related to you in my next few posts been told to most of you via my visit a short while back and/or over the phone and/or the internet.
Stories can only tell so much. Pictures are arguably better. So here I attempt to bring you less text and more context. Less conversation and more action. Something like that.
It's possible that I have failed, but... whatever. You get pictures, and that's all that counts.
Kalgoorlie is not actually classified as Desert but as some type of Woodland. Indeed it is much greener than many, including myself, think it to be. Sure, the dust is mostly red... but looking down upon the place from the air and you can see that the place is actually kinda green.
That said, we get vast amounts of sunny days. I can count on one hand the number of cloudy/rainy days that we have had since I got here in late January. Including every time that I have more than two days off for a weekend. Perhaps I have become a rain god or something.
Anyhew, the lack of cloud/rain is what makes this such a funny picture:
For those that can not see correctly, this is a tanning salon. In the middle of the near-desert. Yeah.
Given the sunny disposition of this area of land, you would think that Solar Panels and Hot Water would be a big thing here.
Guess again.
The following images are the only places that I have seen so far with Solar Hot Water:
That second image is of a pub/restaurant.
Of course, I could be wrong as I pass a solar centre on the way to the hockey centre... but very few places around here appear to utilise it.
This is possibly because your house naturally gives you warm water in the summer and it is bloody freezing in winter. How do I know this second one? Well... I am judging by the temperature now: COLD.
Also, they apparently get frosts once or twice a year.
The following is the major text part of the blog.
Skimpies
Depending on where you stand, the following could be a highlight or another lowlight of Kal. To me, it is neither but just something somewhat unique to mining towns and the US of A in the form of Hooters.
So... I get invited to go out pubbing with the locum radiographers on the first day there. We start of at a place called “The Exchange”. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it is a skimpy bar. Highly amusing as I walk in and, behind the counter, are maids wearing a whole lot of not a lot. Stockings, bikinis and lace corsets are part of the serving staff dress code here. Not a bad way to start off your Kal Pubbing Career, really. The Exchange actually is pretty good for a skimpy bar. It feels kinda like a saloon Old West style and also has a wide array of TVs, usually set to various sports or music. Still a bit seedy, similar to what the Lucky was or most Maitland pubs, if Seb's earlier post on such things is to be believed, so... whatever.
Later on, we went across the road to a place called “The Palace”. This place is actually several venues in one. One portion is a fairly swanky (for Kal) hotel/restaurant. One portion is a regular pub style arrangement and usually has some form of karaoke. However, we went to the third one. This is called the “Gold Bar” (here on referred to as “The Palace”, as it is where most of the activity at the Palace is anyway). Here, the air conditioning is turned on so the temperature is probably sub-20 degrees and we have skimpy girls wearing even more racy outfits (i.e. wearing less and/or clothes from one of the numerous sex shops).
And Fripples, because tits a bit nipply at that temperature.
And later on some evenings, particularly after they have gone for a round of collecting tips off the largely male patrons, they go topless. Not bad for the second pub you get taken to.
It must be noted that I was with one male and two female radiographers and it was the ladies' idea that we head to the Palace at that point in time (and, no, they aren't lesbians). I maintain innocence in all of this. These also happen to be the most central and nearest pubs to the majority of people I know and, the Exchange at least, one of the more frequented pubs by the crew. Completely innocent.
There are more pubs, of course, and some of them are ok. De Bernales, for example, is somewhat similar to Finnegans in that there is a centralised bar/restaurant and will turn in to a club on certain nights. Seems to cater for the younger crowd whilst still remaining a decent pub during non-dance nights. Judds does pretty good wood fired pizzas, though the carpeted portions of the floor often feel like you are walking on honey. I really hope that sticky stuff is from beer. It's a pretty safe bet for a reasonable night out though, and is where I spent most of my Australia Day, though they really have to improve their staff ability... they tend to take their sweet-ass time and make mistakes like “I asked for a 4X, not Teds” or “No, I did not order a beer. I said lemonade. And I gave you a tenner, not a fiver”. Less likely to be belted too, but is one of the more distant pub walks from where I am.
They apparently have a “boob-breakfast”, otherwise known as a “tits-and-toast” place back home, at one of the pubs, though I've not been that far down that particular street to confirm or deny this.
I will give you a tour of some Kal Pubs in the future.
Beer.
Toohey's Extra Dry is known as “Ted's” here. Say “Extra Dry” and you are likely to get the “Are you stupid?” look from the person serving you. “Toohey's Extra Dry” will get you a moment of confusion followed by the look of “Ah, I know what you mean... why don't you call it Ted's like everyone else?” look. Good thing that I am not a major fan of this Ted guy, even if most people here seem to be.
You can not order a Schooner here. Again, the “Pants-on-Head Retarded?” look appears on the bar tender's face... unless they are from the Eastern states, in which case they just smile knowingly and say “They don't have schooners here.” You can get middies and pints. Also jugs. You can get a jug that serves eight or so middies for $10-15, depending on where you go, what night it is and what you are having. It costs roughly $5 for a middy of most things alcoholic, and bottles are $7+.
They do not have Toohey's Old on tap, but they do have Guinness at a couple of pubs. I'm still not sold on it as a substitute. Even Paddy's day hass not convinced me... though drinking Pints of Guinness on that day was amusing. I have taken to drinking XXXX if going for beer and only going with Teds if it is in jug form and the entire table is also drinking it. I have tried Swan Draught, a Perth based beer. It starts off fairly average but the after taste is like your mouth after having several Extra Drys in a few minutes: BAD.
It may amuse you that they have a bit of a travelling karaoke thing here. There are a few different karaoke groups/presenters/things and they go to different pubs every second or third night. It's a bit of a thing here, with both young, miners and old alike participating. What else is there to do, right? Oh... skimpies. Right.
However... What kind of Karaoke has Baha Men's “Who let the Dogs Out” and Scooter's techno remake of “The Logical Song”, but has no Franz Ferdinand or The Killers... y'know, songs with actual lyrics that can be sung? (that's a lie: one of them has Franz Ferdinand's “No You Girls”... hardly the most likely Franz candidate for Karaoke, but something that I may be game to have a go at next time I am out... after appropriate alcoholic consumption, of course)
For amusement purposes, they each had two and a half pages of Elvis, one and a half pages of Tina Turner and a page of Frank Sinatra and Neil Diamond. About a third of each are, for some reason, duplicates and triplicates of songs. One song had five or six versions by the same artist. And, of course, they have no indication, other than serial number, as to what is different between them. Why do Karaoke people keep doing that? Among other things, there was also half a page of Black Eyed Peas, “Who the Fuck is Alice?” and South Park's “Chocolate Salty Balls”. The variety is outstanding, lacking only in some of the more obvious/basic choices.
And, of course, as with all karaoke there are the freaks. There are people who start off looking average and become hot as you hear their voice because they are genuinely good... and, for each one of them, there are at least five that start hot and you wish incinerated along with their voice. Or at least get rid of the sound of cats screwing whilst they mime the song. And drunk people. And the creepy old guy.
Kalgoorlie-Boulder has a population of roughly 30-35 thousand and most main roads are dual lane & wide open and most non-dual lane roads are wide enough to fit two or three cars in both directions if you want to attempt Sydney traffic. For some unknown reason, it also has such streets and intersections that are one way/turn left only... as well as several traffic intersections where they have Four Way Pedestrian crossings.... y'know the ones like Sydney where hundreds of people cross whilst all directions of road traffic are blocked., except that here in Kal you would be lucky to see more than five people cross overall let alone anyone diagonally crossing the street. And I think I get stared at when I diagonally cross the street. More often than not there is one person who presses the button, crosses when there is no traffic and then holds up all directions of traffic ten seconds later whilst all cars wait for the now non-existent pedestrian to cross the intersection.
They also have no concept of the “Left Turn on Red after Stopping” sign that is common, not to mention a great time saver, back home.
However, they do have a great number of U-turn bays, cut out near the ends of every intersection where ever there is a solid path construction in the middle of the road separating the directions of traffic. Including near roundabouts.
And, with that, I now show you some of the more amusing road signs in Kal.
This guy is a standard phail as you can see it in most cities around the world... but I am bringing it to your attention now so as you know what to look out for next time you are out.
Here, we have the disabled figure... only this guy appears not to be on the wheelchair but rather has it stuck up his arse. Either that, or we could add a little bit to the image... and turn it in to a bulldozer wailing upon people like this:
...
I think I just made myself sick a little on the inside.
So, moving on...
This is, again, a common sign on traffic lights in many cities, so I will bring your attention to what you are actually seeing here:
Or, at least that is what I see... especially after reading a somewhat biased report into the apparently "secret" transportation of Uranium through Kalgoorlie and how the school children were doomed because a truck stopped (or may stop) in front of a school for a few seconds. Of course then the head of Uranium mining piped up a day or two later and said that there was no link between Radiation from Uranium and leukaemia because the original article never cited any research articles, so it pays to take a middle-stance in these arguments (i.e. the stance of logic)... or no stance/"stand the hell away from here" (i.e. the stance of sanity).
Walking to the hospital a few weeks back, I regretted not taking my iPod Nano with me for it has camera capabilities. Why would I want that whilst walking to the Hospital? Apart from audio/radio goodness, I saw a sign for a recruitment and training agency, looking for “Process Technitions”. Evidently, there is no spell check on Blackboards (it's supposed to be spelt “technicians”, for those who are hard-of-spelling). Nice work, recruitment agency!
Then I saw the Mystery Mobile.
Remember Scooby Doo (or at least the good ol' cartoon days of Scooby Doo)? Yeah... that was parked nearby. Because of the Monster Truck show that came up that weekend, it was there as promotion along with a few monster trucks. What made this Mystery Mobile special? Well, apart from it being the freakin' Mystery Mobile and so therefore worthy of your attention, this Mystery Mobile had metallic paint and had something that resembled a jet or rocket engine inserted in to the back end. The slogan “the fastest jet-powered van in the world” was painted on one of the windows (or was it "rocket -powered"? I can't remember...).
Not a bad day to miss having a camera, was it?
So... that's a bit more text than what I originally intended.
As such, one final image to leave you with tonight... an image take from the advertising boards at the hockey centre.
An Image that needs no explanation:
