It's Friday and, as promised, I am going to post some stuff.
By the way, just a little note that it is Wall-Of-Text o'clock here.
So... I have spoken to many/all of you through SMS or phone or the internets or any combination of the above about how things are here.
And I mean it when I say that I actually don't mind it here.
Of course, I have only spent a few weeks here and a great portion of that was with some of the locum radiographers who were known for their ability to spend at least some portion of every other night of the week at the pubs.
For now, allow me to give you a warning that some of the following may disturb you as I give you a glimpse of Kal's Darkside.
...
Actually... that's a lie. I have yet to see the majority of Kal's Darkside.
Apparently, three or four times a year there are street-sized all-in brawls down the main pub street. I am yet to see that. There are also stories that I have heard second- or third-hand about some of the local population. Stories that make Matt Graham's drawings and stories seem perfectly socially acceptable, even the “Little Timmy” and “Death by Impalement on Oversized Erect Penis” ones. Again, I have yet to experience these first-hand but I will say that it often involves male reproductive juices in places where it really should not go, including non-medically-opened post-surgical wounds, and that “Death by Oversized Penis” would probably be a saving grace for such people. 'Nuff said.
So... the poorly-lit side of Kal then?
Let's begin with my first full day here.
After heading in to the X-Ray department for a quick tour and to say hi to the crew, I went to one of the local supermarkets. After getting myself enough supplies to last me the week, I head to the checkout. My teenaged cashier had just finished a conversation with a co-worker about her moving to Melbourne and how she was dreading the move. Like the naiive fool that I am, I decided to start some small talk and asked why Melbourne is so bad.
“Because my brother and dad live there.”
“Ah. I guess you aren't a fan of them then?” “Well, actually... my brother is my dad.”
*stands in silence as she explains that her father is also her half-brother, coming from same mother as her* Like I said at the start, I really wish I made that up.
The majority of the pubs themselves feel like a bit of a gamble in terms of patronage. Largely inhabited by beefy seedy guys, the gamble is whether or not you have hit the pub on a night where every third person is looking for a fight. Indeed, the level of violence is such that on any given Friday or Saturday night, there will be 3+ police officers out the front of every pub just waiting for the call to go in and break up a fight. Monday X-Rays largely include fractures of the hands, face, wrists, and clavicles (collar bones). One thing that I have witnessed, at least from a radiographic perspective, is people that have been having a quiet one out the front of a pub only to be gang-bashed by punch-happy groups looking for the sucker unfortunate enough to be spotted alone. Even my own penchant for wandering along alone is starting to wane due to this. I break if people blink at me too hard, let alone if people actually touch me with intent to cause damage. Here's hoping that daytime travels fall outside of their hunting time, or I will be a messy splat mark on the pavement some time soon.
And the smell.
Kal itself largely smells neutral, if you ignore near the pubs. It is often slightly breezy and I can not say that there is much of a smell. Kinda dry and dusty. Occasionally you get the stench of drying urine, particularly on the corners of alley ways near pubs. To be expected, really. However, I am surprised at the lack of smell because it appears as if half of the population wash no more than it rains.
Given that it has surprisingly rained about six times since I have been here, including two storms of lightning awesomeness that would not be out of place in any Final Fantasy game, I would wager that at least a quarter wash
less than it rains... and given that we are desert region, that can not be often at all.
Also, one day a short while ago it smelt like human solid bodily waste from roughly the Exchange to the Primary School 200 or so metres down the road. That is not a good way to start your working day.
Kal is not immune to insanely overweight people either. There is the story of an unfortunate Occupational Therapist who was trapped inside the bath/toilet room of a patient of hers for about half an hour because the guy had wedged himself in the doorway whilst she was inside and physically could not back away *points to previous comment about smell to convey the horror*. There are stories of people being refused the Flying Doctor Service because they could not load them on to the plane with the equipment that they had or patients being left for an hour or two on the sunny tarmac in Perth because the only ambulance there with the capability to take such large passengers was not sent to the airport. I myself have taken (horrible looking) X-Rays of people that you would not expect to live in the city, even with more food delivery and healthcare arrangements possible, let alone in Kal with limited access to such things.
Invariably, the request form for the X-Ray is something along the lines of:
“CXR (that's Chest X-Ray for you non-radiography-types)
Difficulty breathing. Chest pain.”
Of course, the healthcare system is geared towards doing as much as possible to keep people alive (ignoring the hierarchy of ~20 managerial positions, of which only three or four have anything to do with health care)... but, at the risk of sounding insensitive, this includes taking x-rays of the otherwise bleedingly obvious problem of sedentary people who can barely walk, weighing 150+ kilos and having chest pains whilst finding breathing difficult. The phrase “Well, duh...” comes to mind. Of course, without the X-Ray, they can not exclude the possibility of infection of the lungs... but that's probably also a given and difficult to tell on these films anyway.
Feel sorry for the nurses, physios and OccTherapists that have to touch them for more than a second.
At any point in time, if you walk more than 500 metres, you will see someone/people who are drunk and/or carrying booze. I can only imagine the conversation goes a little like this:
“Midday? No Problems: Here's a carton of Carlton Mid Strength! Now just walk in a straight line... ok, a zig-zag is cool too. Only two steps either side of a straight line, so you're practically sober.”
It is not unusual to see people passed out with multiple large bottles next to them on the weekends.
Never look anyone even remotely seedy in the eye, even by mistake or coincidental eye contact, for you are gambling with your sanity and/or life. One of several things will happen:
- The Good: They will ignore you or politely tip their head, say Hello and move on. Otherwise known as the “regular person on the street” and is the lucky roll of the dice. Maybe 90% of the population here fall in to this category.
- The Bad: They will join you and start telling you really dodgy and/or life stories and/or force you to join in seedy conversation and/or to try and bum a free drink off you, whereby the only escape is by false excuse or by being dragged away by another person. Otherwise known as the “Mad Mick”, named after the regular known as “Mad Mick” at the Exchange. Pissed off his face most of the time, and seedy as hell... especially to any foreign skimpies (more on them in the next post). Avoid, Avoid, Avoid. The rarest of the lot.
- The Ugly: They start weighing up the “Fight” option and you want to die now to save yourself the pain of getting your head belted in first. Otherwise known as the “50-50”, because you probably have a 50-50 chance of talking yourself out of the potential fight. Reduces to a 25-75 chance of bypassing pain on nights when people are actively looking to have a random fight.
This habit of looking people in the eye is obviously something that I am going to have to rectify.
How about the insects?
The following link,
the video clip to the aptly named instrumental "Help Me I Am In Hell" by Nine Inch Nails, ought to suffice.
Especially after it rains.
Actually... the random flashes to bondage gear in that video clip is also somewhat appropriate. Though I have not seen leather-bondage gear openly displayed in Kal, there appears to be more adult stores here than any other type of store... possibly more than Newcastle (possibly also a lie... just).
Back to the flies... Their numbers are starting to decline at the moment, as it becomes cooler but I am convinced that, over summer, they are by far the most numerous inhabitant of Kal... even beating Ants. These flies also are “better” and more annoying than flies back home. I would have thought that they would have been like country flies back home: So stupid that you can get them even at slow speeds. Actually, even given the numbers of them that exist, I have only managed to get maybe five or six in total. These bastards are quicker than your regular city flies, and will do a lap around your head and land back in the same spot that you originally brushed them away from. Worse, they don't mind going orifice camping... meaning that you will often have to be careful when opening your mouth or generally moving things near your ears, eyes and nose. I can compare them to regular mozzies vs. Uni Mozzies: They appear to be some weird mutation on normal insects that are practically impossible to kill without dedicated effort. Actually, that's a lie: I came home one day to find a pair of flies dead on my kitchen table... dead in the middle of shagging. I really wish I had taken a picture of it: There they were, lying on their sides but very clearly died in the middle of having sexy times. I guess that still counts as dedicated effort, even if it was not from me.
Ants are also a popular resident in your surroundings and occasionally home. The flying ones are particularly stupid, landing upside down on any surface at almost every opportunity. The large ones are common, as are your generic black ants. No pathway is without at least one of them.
Numerous flying bugs exist as a way of reminding you that you should be wearing a shirt indoors.
Cockroaches here are huge. The generic house ones are at least as big as any cockroach that you see in Maitland. They are capable of knocking over light boxes of cereal in the middle of the night and walking away with corn flakes, according to one of the sonographers. I also know from first-hand experience that they move quickly and like making noisy steps.
Then there are the Bush Roaches. We are talking palm-of-your-hand sized bastards. And these ones fly.
They also have mosquitoes. They are somewhat rare and less annoying than those back home (i.e. they only leave regular sized bumps if you have sensitive skin), but how they manage to breed out here in the desert is anyone's guess.
And speaking of breeding... Actually, let's not go there for that is an entirely new scary subject that probably should not be discussed outside of the hospital.
The second nearest segue with mosquitoes that I can get is Water and, as you may have guessed from my original post on the blog, the tap water here is none-too-pleasant. Here is how Kal gets its water, from a slightly biased perspective...
Step One: Pump water from Perth or one of those other coastal locations.
Step Two: ????
Step Three: In your mouth because you need it to stay alive, fool (all those who thought this step was going to be “Profit”, turn to the corner in shame).
OK. That is slightly abridged and contained little of humorous or cautionary value, so I will add some things to note about the water.
The first thing you will notice when you turn on a tap without a water purifier is that you can taste the chlorine. Without drinking it. After about two days, however, this sensation disappears as you have probably internalised it. It also can only realistically be drunk and “enjoyed” (i.e. not cause facial twitching in disgust) if it has been chilled in the fridge if you have not lived here for less than a week. And even then things could be bad. Of course, the chlorine is there to kill the bugs in the water. Why we have mosquitoes is beyond me, but I suspect that they are at least partially immune to Chlorine. There are also times where the chlorine levels in the water are so high that you might as well be drinking treated pool water.
One of my co-workers will only drink bottled water in part because of that reason, but also for another... See, part of her partner's job is to clean the water filters before it gets pumped for general consumption. In addition to the other sludge-like material that accumulates in ordinary water treatment plants, or indeed overcoming such sludge, is the ever persistent red that exists in Kal... only this is in thick mud form. Yes, that's right people... I drink water that, if you look at it in the right light, is red and tastes slightly of mud. I can see you licking your lips from here.
Here is a completely true and not-at-all fictitious example of what I am talking about:
Incidentally, the pasta I had that night was pretty good.
And, of course, I would be amiss if I did not tell you of the local wildlife that surrounds the reservoir that contains the unnatural mid-desert water. As you may guess, this has little to do with non-human wildlife and a lot more to do with human wildlife that sits around grazing and generally pissing it up around such a water hole...
Which brings me back to water treatment, for I am grateful about the levels of chlorination because of the above fact. I am not entirely sure if this water is Fluoridated either. Teeth here are horrible. Furthermore, for some reason possibly due to the water if what I have heard is correct, people seem to heal bone injuries slower than other places where I have worked.
Even if that last piece is not true, if you blamed the water for anything/everything here you probably would be correct.
A special mention of awfulness goes to Boulder. Boulder is essentially Kalgoorlie South, and the combined city is actually known as Kalgoorlie-Boulder. I have only visited Boulder, for a few hours, when the monthly markets were on, and have sworn to never go back again without a getaway vehicle/detailed escape plan (until possibly the markets next month... maybe.). We managed to walk through the markets, all 300 odd metres of both sides of the street, in 20 minutes. That gives you an idea of how exciting the place is. The road-train that they had, run by the local Lions club and as seen in many markets around Australia, does a lap of half a street... roughly a journey of 200 metres and 3 minutes. And costs $8 to ride. Yeah.
The scary thing about Boulder is the local population. They congregate and wander in groups of anywhere between 5 and 20 and yell at each other across the street in tones that sound like they are going murder everyone in the vicinity. This would not be as much a problem if they did not look like that they were willing to act on such a perceived suggestion. I felt safer in a dodgy Kal bar full of the people actively finding an excuse to start a brawl... and that's saying something. Three of the four pubs that we passed had shattered windows. The other pub was clearly the best thing going for this end of the town as most patrons still had teeth, or at least false ones, and spoke with the volume to less than "near deafening".
And they tell me that many of the surrounding townships (i.e. everything within several hundred kilometres) are much worse.
***
Let's see... Sight, Smell, Touch, Taste and Hearing.
I think I have assaulted your senses enough, for the time being.
Next time, some of the Lighter Phails of Kal, complete with more pictures.
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Kalgoorlie: Wish you were here, but not in the “because this place is totally awesome” way.
