But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's once again dive into the mess I've gotten myself into in this "pub", whilst also forming an effective catalogue of illegal practises and other evidence which would get this place shut down in the wink of an eye if it ever fell into the hands of the relevant authorities.
So, why mention a bed/nest? It's my bed, and I must lie in it, right? Well, there are a few other things that may be handy to know. Like the fact that the frame in my bed collapsed in half, because the frame was actually broken before I arrived. Nothing puts me (or my hips) in a good mood like sleeping on a warped surface.
Speaking of broken equipment, let me direct you towards a device called "Henry"
This poor fellow is held together with Gaffer tape and dreams. Terrible, terrible dreams. So please, ladies and gentlemen, remember the Henry's in your life. They need love too, not just more electrical tape.
Right, time for the "There's no way this building would pass an inspection" shootout! We've got some Hott contenders tonight! Let's meet them!
Weighing in at "Amatuer Backyard Blitz Hour", we've got the Men's Toilet! Punters will note a complete lack of in floor drains and leaking urinal pipes. We can also include his wife, "Ladies Toilets"! Like her husband, she's got no drainage, but comes with a layer of permanently wet carpet. What a potent duo! Knock 'em dead, you two!
Coming up from the pits below, we've got the crumble in the jungle: BROKEN FOUNDATIOOOOOOONS
Look out, ladies and gentlemen, keep watching the skies, because this little scamp will be one to put up a good fight! It's... PILLAR SUPPORTS FALLING OUT OF THE CEILINGGGG!
The stealthy fighter lurks in the corners, ready to dispatch any, and all, comers! It's... water leaking through the wall and causing electrical shorts that make the drinks fridge shut off and the disabled toilet's hand dryer suddenly turn on for no reason
This competetor will be a tough one to beat! WHO ELSE DARES COME?
The plucky filth incrusted gas cannisters in various states of repair! Long forgotten by gas companies, these pillars of wonder stand as a testiment to incompetence. That, and they're adheded to the floor by a pool of liquid filth from the cellar
BUT HERE IS OUR CHAMPION! Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Say hello to the terror in the cellar, the chunder from down under, The Open Sewer in the wine cellar. Doesn't sound that bad? Imagine the smell, and the fact that both the lightbulbs have burst down here and the management won't replace them. You can easily fall into this death trap! Will this be the biggest star of the OH GOD awards?
Well. I believe that the real star will be one that cannot be shown with mere photography. I'm talking about Racism (against Blacks, Australians, New Zealanders, South Africans, and anyone else who isn't French or English), Dodgy tax activities(after talking with an agent, he mentioned that my contributions were as if I was earning over $100,000/year, based on the percentages, a complete disinterest in obtaining correct details for tax purposes, including aggressive attacks when details were provided), a total lack of professionalism from Management (taking buisness personally, complaining about having to work, overworking staff, underpaying staff, financially punishing staff for management incompetence, using abusive language around customers, blaming all failings on others, inability to accept responsibility, expecting training to occur via osmosis, trying to justify evenings off after a 9-hour day as time off, zero formal documentation, the opinion that everyone except yourself is "Wrong", etc), a lack of Employer Liability Insurance, no interest in maintainance for staff rooms (windows falling out of stills, doors falling off hinges, etc), and so many other forms of idiocy.
So, why do you stay, I hear you cry. Well, there's a somewhat ok reason for that. Guess who decided to work in the UK when unemployment was at it's highest level in over 50 years?
Alright kiddies, back to the Music Discussion with you!
