Oh fine.

Here's the "Oh So Passionate" Bridal Waltz. For your Eyes &/or Mind!

But it's the last I've got of Wedding Fodder!! You'll just have to wait until I unveal the überpost in a while, alright? Until then, it's back to our regular garbage for a while, ok? Please don't throw rocks at me.

DISTRACTIONS from soridness! - OR - I lost 90% of my Audience, and all I got was a crushing sense of worthlessness!

Hey Fools & Fools of the Finer Sex!

Today's Witching Hour post is about little nuggets of Brown & Gold that we find in the S-Bend we call the Internet. Today, we'll be looking at Games. Yes, unfortunately for all of you who were expecting another acerbic post on a certain wedding, I think I personally have flogged that particular dead horse so hard it's skeleton collapsed in on itself, leaving a bad smell in the air. And Horse Flu.

Right, I'll start off nice (for a change!), I've got here a little game that can be basically described as "Choose your own Soap Opera". For all your dorks out there, think "Days of our Lives" meets "Deus Ex". Yes. I went there. Oh! In a Similar Vein, we've got Façade. It's mad, in the "type in what you want to say and the computer reacts to you" kinda way.

Next up, here's possibly the most utterly batshit insaneforgiveness/naiveity-based game I've come across in a long time. I was crying at the end of it. Not in a "I cried at the end of Dreamfall, because it was incredibly tragic yet beautiful" sense, but the "MY MIND CANNOT TAKE THE HILARITY ANYMORE DOG FRUITS" sense. There's alot of strange stuff on the Inter-fail, including the products of very strange competitions. One such glorious mish-mash, is named THE EMERGENCY 100-in-1 KLIK AND PLAY PIRATE KART MELTDOWN (It's in 7-Zip, the bestest compressor ever! Oh god what is happening to me... NOOOES)

Well, let's move into more "OH GOD THAT'S HORRIBLE" terratory, where we have, in the spirit of DEFCON, a little flash game called "Pandemic 2". I'll let you figure out what to make of this game, but beware, it is addictive, but, like DEFCON, only really sinks in when you ponder the numbers on your screen. Oh dear oh deary me.

I think I've burnt something out, I'll go and get it replaced, then come back and have another go at mild entertainment. Oh the terrible things I have seen to bring you these links.....
ALSO! We appear to have a WINNAH! Yes, the offical party line of the Blog, when it comes to Drinking, is that "It's Thursday Night and there's Wall-To-Wall Fuck All!" Thanks for Voting, mysterious strangers!

More unwanted insight into the horror below

(All credit to Jess for the $400 woe and image. All credit to me for the horrid wank joke on the bottom)

Oh, just for the record, when all the "Right, Richard, get all of your boys in for a shot" photos were being taken, things were pretty run of the mill. Come Rebecca's turn, our good friend Jess steps up to the ill-attended picture, and is told to get out of the shot because she's Richard's friend. Yes, even though Jess had endured what was coined "The Hen's Party from Hell", where the attendance was majority blood relatives and her 3 month old daughter, she is still not counted as her "friend". Not that I can imagine anyone actively seeking that illustrious title. Not even the few people she had invited from her former place of employment were there for her.

One more Achievement, because I care

But, perhaps most telling (of the events we have not replayed to you, so far) came from the Maid of Honour's speech, where the heaviest emphasis was put on the words "You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen". The response from the bride was an expected smirk and a smug expression. The rest of the speeches (apart from the excellent Meta-Speech) were delivered in hollow monotonic verse, with not a hint of passion.
The Bride also wrote out her Wedding Speech 30 minutes before she had to deliver it, and completely omitted Richard's Parents from it.

A quick summary of the Wedding - OR - Party Achievements

(As a late addendum, I would like to relay some of the 'kind' words spoken to our dear friend, Jess, in the Women's Bathroom from the Bride, after Jess had just complemented her on her dress)

"I like your dress too. It makes you look like you're actually thin"

This serves as a fine example of why nobody particularly cares for this bride.

15 Laws of Theatre (and Five Laws of Live TV)

In the spirit of digging up old stuff and posting it on the blog, here's something I stumbled across that I wrote apparently not all that long ago (based on events that happened much longer ago than when it was written).

But this is the revised edition with all new material written this week! (And there may be even more material in the future.)

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1st Law of Theatre: The show never starts on time.

2nd Law of Theatre: The interval is always five minutes longer than advertised.

3rd Law of Theatre: The aisle seats fill up first.
Corollary: Anyone who invariably arrives late will have a centre seat.

4th Law of Theatre: There is never enough room in the foyer to accommodate a large audience.

5th Law of Theatre: No matter how big the theatre is, the air conditioning will always be slightly too cold for the audience.

6th Law of Theatre: The show is never ready by opening night.

7th Law of theatre: The bigger the cast, the more noise they will generate.
1st Corollary: The maximum noise generated is proportional to the square of the number of people present.
2nd Corollary: The amount of noise that the stage manager can use to silence the cast backstage is inversely proportional to the noise generated by the cast.
3rd Corollary: If there is more than one cast, the extra cast/s will never be silent during rehearsal, nor will they be silent (in the audience or otherwise) during a performance.

8th Law of Theatre: Extra lines of dialogue will inexplicably appear on closing night.

9th Law of Theatre: The director is never completely happy with everything.

10th Law of Theatre: The theatre the production is set in will never be able to accommodate the director's full vision.
1st Corollary: The stage crew will never be big enough to cope with the number of set pieces used to fulfil the director's full vision.
2nd Corollary: The transition from rehearsal space to the theatre will always result in unforeseen problems in the director's full vision.

11th Law of Theatre: There is never enough room backstage.

12th Law of Theatre: Every production company will have one prop or set piece that is always used in every production.

13th Law of Theatre: The smoke machine never sends the smoke where you want it.
Corollary: If the smoke ends up in the right place, it will still also end up in the wrong places. (Wrong places include: the audience, up.)
2nd Corollary: Whether or not the smoke ends up in the right place, there will either be not enough, or too much.

14th Law of Theatre: There will always be one microphone or light that always plays up consistently over the season.
Corollary: If you fix it or send it to be fixed, another one will begin to play up in its place.

15th Law of Theatre: At least one actor will forget their lines, get sick, or incur an injury at some point during the season.
1st Corollary: The probability of something else going wrong is proportional to the number of things that have already gone wrong.
2nd Corollary: The probability of major technical faults occurring increases as the number of errors on stage increases.

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1st Law of Live TV: Live events never finish on time.
Corollary: The scheduled finishing time of an awards night can be effectively lengthened by at least an hour.

2nd Law of Live TV: At least one thing will be considered controversial.
Corollary: If nothing else, someone will swear.

3rd Law of Live TV: Satellite coverage will always break up.
Corollary: If it doesn't break up, the sound will be out of sync.

4th Law of Live TV: Live editing will always produce at least one odd camera angle.

5th Law of Live TV: If something is scripted, it will be apparent that it has been scripted.
Corollary: If something has not been scripted, it will be aparent that it has not been scripted.

Build it up ... Tear it down (Rebuild it out of pious guilt)

Today we have a SPECHAL treat for you! It's Here

Now, doing things because songs suggest them often results in interesting outcomes (At this stage, we shall take note that I don't listen to the Gangsta Raps or Pops, as they offend the ear & mind). For instance, back in 2003, I had the idea that the best way to spend a Friday Night was not going to a party, nor attending a sporting event, but "Stealing People's Mail". Of course, the closest we ever got to interfering with the postal system was geting the mini CDs out of the Kelloggs Coco Poops, covering them with used up white-out, writing "FLUIDS O' LOVE" on them, and placing them in random peoples mailboxes. Digusting & Hilarious? It certainly was when we were 17.
Fastforward to 2006, for this was the year that... I went to Werribee. Here's my advice to all you kids & kiddies out there: Don't go to Werribee. It's like Woolongong, except with more teenage gangs and every shop seems to be owned by Tatassalls, which leads to my final point about Werribee. It's most likely the town with the lowest self esteem in Australia. Sure, we've got communities where half the population is constantly snorting petrol, or ones where the police are so corrupt you join them just so that you won't be constantly arrested, but these towns still lack that "We're a gambling company's bitch" flavour, accompanied by a "Nature Reserve" which consisted of a steep incline, and a sad looking creek. Sure, the time I went there was about the time I had contracted glandular fever, so I wanted to die, but still, the "suckatude" of this place just kept coming back to hit me. It's one of those places where everything is shut all weekend, probably due to the fears of "canvasers" and "skylarks". I guess TISM were correct, though, it really is a toilet...

Moving onto the next item, we come to what should be considered the "Anthem" of 2003, yes, that's right ladies & gentlemen, it's "I Suck". I believe that the song itself speaks clearly and concisely for itself, and basically undermines everything that High School ever taught you about "Self-Esteem". Thankyou Mark Ronson, you are a hero to the masses.

The next item on the agenda is a song from waaay back, called "If You Want To Be Happy". This horribly sexist and abusive verse is an excellently upbeat way to liven up anyone's day, as seen here (P.S. after he gets mad, just quit, the good bits are over. HEY! THAT HOLDS TRUE IN REAL LIFE TOO :D)

Have you read to the end, boys & girls? Well Here's your "Punishment"

Oh fine, here it is.

I hope you're happy. That's the last of the horrible video clips we've got for you unfortunates. At least for now, that is.
"It's just Cameron riding into a pit, what's so "XTREAM"(sic) about that?" you may ask.
Well, that's a bacteria-based sewer pit, old style because Maitland won't run a sewer line to our house. Yeah. Now who's both horrified and impressed? Not me. I'm too busy working on the next posticle in secret OH GOD I SAID TOO MUCH