Last Chance Stats!

Given that next week is StuVac (apparently, since I have found it hard to keep track of these things) I'm assuming that only Honours students and Tim will be at Uni during this time. I will therefore further assume that no one's going to turn up next week purely to hand me a sheet of paper with E & S rage stats on it. That means that, in the somewhat unlikely event that some of you play more games, or are sitting on some stats somewhere, all physical sheets of paper with stats on them should be given to me by lunch time, the 26th of October (that's this Friday if you don't have a calendar handy).

In the even more unlikely event that a bunch of you play games outside of Uni, I'll probably still accept stats electronically via MSN or email until sometime in November. The only hassle there (besides actually playing the game) is that you'll have to write everything out again.

If you record stats, remember to record:
1. The number of decks and total number of jokers you're playing with.
2. The number of neutral players and cards swapped between each player. (It's fairly easy to indicate this on the player ranking list.)
3. Seating positions. (The determination of Seat 1 is arbitrary. Seat 2 plays after Seat 1, etc.)

If you're feeling different, play without swapping cards, and record player rankings.

If you're all playing drunk, then it might be best if you don't record stats. I don't think the effects of alcohol can be acounted for.

Entropy & Malarky: Things Seen!

This town pains me. It pains me greatly.

Titles of Movies that Don't exist...

... And hopefully never will. Although, you never know what Hollywood will do in an era where they are so desperate for ideas that they'll churn out movies like Epic Movie.

I am referring to the Maitland Mall series of movie titles that I shamefully thought up one day. Seb inadvertently put the idea for Maitland Mall 2 into my head (so if you want to blame someone, blame him) and it must have been a slow day because I thought "Hey, a bad movie sequel is just screaming to be made into a bad movie series." And I dreamt up 9 more titles. (Well, 8, since it's not hard to think up the prequel title.) Some of you may have caught them as part of my MSN name.

If you missed them, then here is the Maitland Mall series, in it's entirety*:

Maitland Mall
Maitland Mall 2: Lair of the Roach Queen
Maitland Mall 3: Seb's Revenge
Maitland Mall 4: I Know What You Did Last Ball in the Mall
Maitland Mall 5: Attack of the Zombie Shoppers
Maitland Mall 6: Return of the Roach Queen
Maitland Mall 7: The Curse of Miss Maitland Showgirl
Maitland Mall 8: The Deadly Dew-sease
Maitland Mall 9: Legacy of the Roach Queen
Maitland Mall 10: Done to Death

*Avalanche Studios wishes to advise that the Maitland Mall series of films is entirely fictional and may not accurately represent Maitland, Maitland Mall, Seb, Ball in the Mall, Maitland Mall shoppers, Miss Maitland Showgirl or Contestants of Miss Maitland Showgirl. Although, stranger things have happened.


Of course, a movie series of such a length is just screaming to parody the Ultimate in movie series length.

The Land Before Time XIII: Maitland Mall.

But apparently I got the title of The Land Before Time XIII wrong. Yes, that's right. In case I haven't drilled it into your heads over lunch in the Brennan Room, there are already 12 Land Before Time movies, and there's going to be a 13th. (Not only that, there are also two video games, two singalongs, and a TV series.)

Speaking of the Brennan Room, I must have been having a really, really slow day because I also seem to have noted the titles of five films that have, until now, never seen the light of a computer screen.

I give you "The Brennan Room" series**.

The Brennan Room
The Brennan Room 2: Death by Dodgy Pasta
The Brennan Room 3: Rise of the Table Germs
The Brennan Room 4: Art Day
The Brennan Room 5: Invasion of the Round Tables

**Avalanche Studios wishes to advise that the Brennan Room series of films is entirely fictional. However it may still accurately depict The Brennan Room, residents and users of the Brennan Room, Dodgy Pasta, Table Germs, Art Day, or Round Tables.


Hollywood producers, if you are reading this I have one word for you: Don't.

A review: 6 Beers, Many Regrets. (Note: Unedited for horrible truths)

1. Bluetongue Premium LAGER (330mL, 4.9%, 1.2 Standard Drinks)
From: Hunter Valley - New South Wales,Australia
A pleasant beer that makes my tounge go SPARKLEY! It's got a lizard on the front. Nice and smooth, goes down well. I think this comes from near that big red eyesour that RUINED the view from Mt. Sugarloaf. You know the place. Horrid. It's on some back road where Go Carts - or - Driving fantasies for the inept, can be found. For it's price, this beer's pretty damn good value for the MONEYS! MY PRECIOUS CA$H MONEY! If I was a Hippity Hop Artist, I'd call myself $TAB DOGZ. But I aren't, so I shan't. This beer is all that a nice beer should be. Not too expensive (provided that you're shopping at Dan "We're the reason Wineries are going out of Buisness!" Murpheys, and not buying at a pub), possibly due to this being a local brew... THE MIND BOGGLES! Boggle. I never got to play that as a child. Does that make me deprived? The bottle of this beer is a pleasent Green Colour, and the sticker looks cheap, but maybe they had to decide on the pretty to tasty ratio, and decided to weigh it towards the latter. I, for one, am thankful! BE THANKFUL TODAY! OR FACE THE HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES! (It appears that my Keyboard is a bit rattly due possibly to my dear Sister playing GMod9 for several hours and filling up the area with Star Wars people dancing in mid air). I am pleased that I have chosen this beer as the starter beer for this review of potential spew. Of course, if I'd started with something like a VB or a Tooheys, then I'd be *DEAD*. Possibly in the head. Ok, end of the beer. Not too much head, a little of a bite, but all in all a very pleasant experience! I give this beer the Inebriated Thumbs Up award.

2. James Boag's PREMIUM (375mL, 5.0%, 1.5 Standard Drinks)
From: Launceston - Tasmania, Australia
Simil'ar to the Bluetounge, but with more BIGHT and with a much stronger aftertaste, due possibly to Inbred in the watersupply. Sits... oddly in the mouth. Frothing about like so many bad urinal cakes. But this does not make it a bad thing! NO! It's... enjoyable, I won't doubt that, not for a MINUTE. I am not a DOUBTER. Although I was when I saw the ad with the lady and the cleavage and the using the Hood Orniment for a bottle opener and the George-Clooney-Cleft-Chin-Inquizitive-Look™ of the "Well Dressed Man in The Car". OH DID I DOUBT! But that was before I drank such a brew! The pretty pictures on the pleasently Dark Green Bottle make it look Oh-So much more classy than your run-of-the-mill beer, with grand Vistas of the Tasmanian Wilderness that was undoubtly destroyed to create the brew.[enviroMENTALism] I'm sure that the pulp of the near future will have the "before" shot rather than the "after" shot. THANKS GUNNS! [/enviroMENTALism]
This beer is more difficult to trinkt than the Bluetounge, due possibly to the fact that there is a man on a horse with a red cape next to a Drunken Popeye symbol (A Beer On a Bicep). The threat of Popeye like symptoms, such as terrible facial feature distortion, addiction to Tobacc-i, and death of fashion sense ward me away from this beer. The after taste of guzzling a bit (which is REQUIRED BY LAW in some States. If you're unsure, go ask a Bouncer "Is Your Mum Still Sore From Last Night?", and count how long it takes before your teeth are freed from the tyrany of your jaw. If >5 Seconds, Guzzling is REQUIRED in your State.) is Razorsharp! If you have open cuts or had teeth removed at some stage, then I would recommend that you shy away from this brew, as the mouth will sting a little. Or maybe That's just what thousands of dollars of Orthodontics will do to you purely due to natural causes. Until you a) die a pennyless hippy, or b) end up under a bridge drinking from a brown paper bag with Failed Local Canditate Peter Blackmore. Everything stings. Ok, the final Guzzle is quite overwhelming, as the beer expands rapidly, filling the mouth with a pincushion of sharp sensations, and expanding rapidly like Dry Ice in a 600mL Water Bottle (you gotta love Year 12 Physics. AND THEN THE BOTTLE EXPLODED AND HE GOT PLASTIC IN HIS GROIN ROFL).
This beer gets a "I'd Buy It Again If it was 20cents cheaper" Ribbon of Valor.

3. Cascade PREMIUM LAGER (375mL, 5.2%, 1.5 Standard Drinks)
From: South Hobart - Tasmania, Australia
Now here's an interesting one. It's got a higher Alcholot level than the James Boag, but it's got much less of a Blight! Bight! BITE! on the nooks and cranies of my lovely mouth. WITH IT's SHINY TEEF. *ahem*, anyway... This is the kind of beer that I would happily drink everyday. It's got an "Edge" to it, as some marketing dickwits would claim (Which makes me cringe, because "We Can't Stop Here! This Is 90's World!"). Hell, they might as well say "Buddest Monks Love It! And So Should YOU!". Actually, that would be the most successfully annoying Jingle since "BACON BACON BACON! EVERYONE LOVES BACON!". Well, Let me tell you 3 Types of People who DON'T (Generally) LOVE BACON! 1) MUSLIMS 2) JEWS 3)VEGITARIANS. Although, that brings up a possible solution to the Gaza Strip... "You don't eat pigs! We don't eat pigs! It seems it's been that way forever! So if you don't eat pigs! And we don't eat pigs! Why Not, Not Eat Pigs, Together!".
Anyway! This beer is Desirable. It has a shiny neck sticker. SHINY LIKE AN EASTER EGG. But delicious chocolates do not await inside! NO! Only the cold, clammy taste of GLASS & CLASS. You know it's classy because it's got an extinct animal on the label. A Thylicene! I think they melted them all down and extracted the ESSENCE to generate such a delightful thing! Wunderbar! Ein Fachts Car! (The board of Sebastian would like to remind you that, as Seb's BAC rises, so does his tendency to talk in German). Now, when you swallow a decent amount in a short period of time, you go "Oooh! That tastes good" followed by "Tastes like Hops!" followed by "YEAST! YEAST!". I would relay to you, dear reader, what it actually says on the pretty neck sticker, but I think that years of computer usage, laser damage, and tiredness have rendered my eyes all but useless. Hell, I can't tell the difference between 11111 and 111111 anymore. I know the 2nd one is longer! BUT BY HOW MUCH? I think that the fact that I've still got a fishbowl for a monitor as opposed to a "Save your Eyes, Save your Money, Save your LIFE!" LCD could be considered a significant factor in this equation of woe. But I digress. As I drink into oblivion, I wonder. What has become of the Powerpuff Girls? Where people getting blood & snot blown out various orifices was considered suitable for Breakfast viewing on any given weekday. What has happened? Is it all just Dragon Balls or Pokemong or Bubblegum Panic! ? I know not. Anime confuses me. I think it was the fact that Astroboy had a gun in his arse that really threw me. When I was 4, that weirded me out. It was like a robot who shitted lasers. This is one thing that I am pleased to say I did not attempt to copy in my impressionable days. The Bottle of this Cascade is a satisfyingly rotund shape, so that one's hand may not be able to connect finger with thumb when gripping in a "macho" way! It makes me feel like an anachronism! Like in a strange, indeterminate time around the War, or possibly earlier.. But Maybe it's this myth of the "Australian" that we've all been chasing. I'm tired of looking, I gave up years ago when I discovered that "Being Australian" meant association with Rolf Harris.
Final Guzzle Thoughts: This Beer is Worthy! WORTHY I SAY! For this, it is awarded the "My Dad is Bigger than Your Dad!" Badge of Honour

4. Heineken LAGER BEER (330mL, 5.0%, 1.3 Standard Drinks)
From: Amsterdam, Holland
I've never tried this beer before. Possibly due to it's association with that nation of chunderworthy things, America. But this... is suprising. It's got the stadard Beer taste, but with.. additions. Like the dryness after a gulp. Oh the dryness. Or maybe, if I am nice, and a little lucky, essence of SAND. Yes, sand. This beer is quite well made, and is tasty too. Until you hit the Forest of Aftertaste, located right next to Blissville. The bottle, due to it's shape and colour, reminds me of the Lo-Res bottles in Half Life 2. You know! The ones that you first see in the Train Station, but when you attempt to pick up a crate of them, HAVOK physics spazz out and instead of a crate full of beers, you get a crate full of nothing and a floor full of mess. THANKS SPASTIC PHYSICS! I remember it well, as I drink this beer which bears a remarkable similarity to the doomed brew of Half Life 2. The anticipation, the glee, then, the soloumn thought of "Well, now what?". A good analogy, for both this beer and picking up a crate with an object in it when in a HAVOK powered game. Don't worry, those of you who a) Are Female and Couldn't care less for the complete wastes of time we Dorks call "Computer Games", or b) Those of you who don't frag often, and frag hard (Lambie & Tim, I believe!As for Travie, I've heard of your skillz, and, as always, QN is Teh Mad Skillz!), for I am not going to talk about such things of little interest to you anymore! Unless it's hilarious. Like hitting a Wolf or something in Oblivion, and then the Wolf flies off a cliff, bounces off a rock, lands in a nearby lake, and then gets set on fire (Yes, I know Fire & Water don't mix, but this IS HAVOK! Not Spinal Tap). Anyways... This beer has a red star on it, possibly making it Communist. They claim that this Red Star is a trademark of Heinekens, but I think that it's a terrible conspiracy! Terrible in the "Da Vinci Code" sense! As in it's a load of bollocks, and the number of people who couldn't care less is so huge, that it doesn't really matter. Although that didn't stop the insaner members of various churches putting up Anti-Da Vinci Code Websites when the God Awful Movie launched. It's God-Awful the same way every Tom Hanks film is. I find the man a source of constant entertainment. Especially in "Saving Private Ryan". The only Ryan I know is a prick, and the Only last name Ryan I know I'm not allowed to talk about because he went out with someone and then they decided that last name Ryan was a waste of a potential boyfriend, so they dumped his bitch ass. But I'm not allowed to talk about that. Court Order. (For those of you who take what I write seriously, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?). This beer, getting back to the review, and away from Tangents related to Tom Hanks, is a joy to behold, right to the end. The only complaint I can conjure up from THE VOID is that there is a tiny amount of Head at the end, which will impede "Pisspots" and other people attempting a "scull".
For it's valient Efforts, The Heineken Lager Beer is awarded the "I've got a Crowbar and Limp Physics" Memorial Spoon! CONGRATULATIONS!

5. Beck's BIER {Spitzen Pilsener Von Welt} (330mL, 5,0% , 1,3 Standard Drinks) (Special German Decimal Activated for your INCONVIENCE!)
From: Bremen - Germany/Deutschland
Ah Beck's. It's a good one to rely on for a quick hit of Quality Germany Brews. This is mostly due to the fact that "Von Welt" is included im der sticker, implying that it's a beer for the whole filthy world to enjoy. Kind of like Fosters, except that's make in Hong Kong these days, or at least that's what I was lead to believe by the member of the German Exchange Group that I almost stabbed over a game of Ludo (Menesche Nicht Angrisch!!), and I trust him about as far as I have spewed (3 meters. Not pleasent. First Year Uni. LESSION LEARNED. *NEVER AGAIN*) But enough about the lack of intestinal fortitude! Back on the bones of daylight. Er.. Sorry, I'm not sure where I was going with that one. I would make swish GHOST sounds at this stage to distact you, but we all know how bloody irritating imbedded MIDI's are, let alone MP3's. We've done MyFace. We've... EVOLVED. This is the 2nd point at which the Marketeers come in and declare that It's "Web 2.0". Well, I'm stuck on a dodgy as hell psuedo 56K line due to the fact that my mother fucking Line Codes got erased by Either Telstra or Dodo! DODO! INTERNET THAT DIES!, which all ends up meaning "No ADSL for Sebbicle". So yes, I have to share an unreliable connection with my Ham Fisted Tell-O-Phone line. But back to the beer! Beck's have done well, providing a beer that does not have substantial aftertaste (it passes in a matter of 2 Seconds, as opposed to the Boag, which lasted far too long (7 seconds, I estimate)), and this leads to a semi-smooth drinking experience! I say semismooth, because it's still got as bit of Blight/Bite, but It's within Error Ranges, so I guess that means that because I've thrown in enough "Scientific" words, that I can get a PhD. Although, it must be said that my Dog could get a PhD, but only because she appears to be able to talk. Sometimes. Well, all she ever says is "Arrro!" in a yawn. But, if a PhD student at the Looniversity of PooCastle says that it's Piss easy to get in, why can't the PIPPI SWEE have a Doctorate? I imagine at this stage Bob & Lambie are protesting the apparant "Ease" of a PhD, but I say, "FIE! If you wanna spent 3 years getting a Doctorate in Philosphy, then go ahead, I'm going out Drinking, Employing, and (Maybe, however unlikely) Scoring" (Please note that none of these are Guarenteed, except for the drinking! Look for the Hobo who can tell you all about Gradient Refractive Index! That'll be me!). This beer is a wonder. It should be studied in Schools. Should be made a manditory HSC subject (It'd be a hell of a lot more useful than studying that book about "An Imaginary Life" where the man wanted to have sex with the feral kid. Or Something to that effect). I'd call the Subject "A Testiment to Modern Drinking", and every student is supplied with a case. If that won't get the Kids (yes, 17 & 18 year old's are kids. I don't care what YOU think!) back into the English, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL!. Or maybe the Sciences. Or everythings. Don't ask me! I did TRIPLE SCIENCE (I did Biology for the Ladies!, Physics for the Awesome Peoples (QN!)!, and Chemistry due to a complete lapse in judgement (DESPAIR! A FINAL RESULT OF 69%! LOLZ!!!)!)
My beer is COMPLETE. It was a pleasure, right up to the required burp at the very end! It is not something I regret! It is something I lament! For now my beer is gone! Heineken, where have you been all my life? (I know the answer is at Major Sporting events, but I'm trying to impress upon Thee how good the beer is!) This Beer is Awarded the "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GENITALS, WOBBLES!" Bumpersticker of Grandure!

6. Amsterdam - Premium Lager (330mL, 4.8%, 1.2 Standard Drinks)
From: Somewhere In Holland, apparantly...
Amsterdam. The beer that upon inserting into your mouth imediately makes you think "I hope I washed my hands, because this beer tastes like what I'd imagine piss would taste like". However, after this inital hit of Urinal "glory/horror", we are left in an awkward situation. Like the situation where you've been invited over to your Year 10 history teacher's house (Who you think is a "Bit of a fox") and have had an unsatisfactory transaction (i.e., being told that it's pretty bloody obvious that the item in question is not the right one for you, and that you should try for a younger model. I'M TALKING ABOUT KEYBOARDS/ORGANS, NOT LADIES/ORGANS, YOU SICKOS!). At first you think it's all going to be wonderment & regret, but as you drink deeper into the Void, you know that somehow, you will derive enjoyment out of such a horrendous activity. It could be considered your last farewell ride on the donkey cart of woe out of your hideous mexican village, where the end will yield nothing but a Human-sized crate, some fake credentials, and a magazine that's "Not for reading". If you've seen that episode of "My Name is Earl", you know what I'm talking about. If I close my eyes, the world spins. It's either the combined effect of the 5 other beers, or the overpowering desire to go on a Merry-Go-Round and create a fountain of stomach acids & stomach contents. This beer sports a non-assuming basic sticker on both the body & neck of the averagely green bottle. It's a red boat with 3 white sails on a gold & blue background. There's not enough gold that you could melt it down & make a profit (Like the silver 50 cent pieces from the mid 20th Century), but enough to make it look fancy. The last time I was drinking this particular brew was at some kind of Party that Karyn had back in 2nd year I think. While it was completely above board, and nothing suss happened to either of us, I was told, reliably, that "Amsterdam! They make good pot!", and "Let's Dance till we Can't Dance No More!" and "Don't go into the park or you'll get Raped in the A-Noose! I don't care how desperate for shaving time off your milk run you are!" (Disclaimer: None of these were uttered by Karyn, she only offered sensible advice such as "KEEP THE PEGS AWAY FROM MY HAIR!"). Of the impressions of this beer at her party, they remain the same. This beer is overpriced. The experience provided by said beverage is not satisfying enough to warrent the cost. I've now got the fear. The terrible fear that the sun will come up suddenly (Despite such an event being about 5 hours away, and my eyelids becoming quite heavy with the much warrented desire to sleep & end this terrible series of events that made writing a review of many brews in a row seem like a good idea). Diving once more into the yeasty breach, I am once again sadly unimpressed with this beer. It's uncreative, uninspired, and quite dull to look at. I'd at least stick a "Home Taping is Killing Music" image somewhere on this bottle, or maybe that's just simply because I've spent way too much time at The Pirate Bay hanging around and being a filthy scab. I'd recommend this beer to someone who wasn't too sure if they liked being drunk. If they enjoy this, then I'd recommend cheaper brews. If they scream bloody murder & demand honour in a duel, then I'd point them towards the Heineken.
The Amsterdam brew seems awfully predisposed to producing excessive amounts of head. While taking a great swig will not produce the Pincushion effect of the James Boag, it kind of has the opposite effect. A cushioning effect. This is quite unsettling in a beer! Beer, as I see it, is supposed to be a rough & tumble affair! Where you start drinking and then wake up wondering where half of your organs have disappeared to!
Final Thoughts: The Head at the end of the final swig leave a sharp taste within the mouth, creating an unsatisfying end. This beer is difficult to recommend, and get's stuck with the "Save A Virgin, Do Me Instead!" T-Shirt of Generic-ness

(Note: At this stage, I officially declare that I've "Had enough" and went to bed)

I don't read "The Word," but....

I'm referring to that one solitary page in The Newcastle Herald that is dedicated to the tabloid trash and gossip that fills me with dismay whenever people are interested in it. But something caught my eye today. Not one of those articles swiped from the internet that, if put on Wiki, would have "Citation needed" slapped all over it, but I single quote in the bottom left hand corner.

Apparently Lily Allen is quoted as saying, "My singing is a bit like a cat being swung around."

Hehehehehe.

So at least (according to me) she's being honest about her singing abilities now. But honesty doesn't get you out of the -1/5 category on the Seb Rating Scale. (No, that's not a typo. That's a MINUS 1 out of 5.)

Musical Rankings - Or - Why Seb didn't learn much from being Musically Elitest back in 2004/2005

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT WILL PROBABLY OFFEND SOME OF YOU, SO NYAH. YOUR TASTE MAY VARY. INFACT, IT WILL. THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOW OVER! I AM ZANTHAR! MASTER OF WARNINGS!
...
Ahem! So, here we are. I get the feeling that you're going to disagree with me heavily on this, but that's probably a good thing. We're not all slaves, and everyone likes different things, which is a very good thing. There's nothing worse than forcing your views onto others, and considering them to be "Wrong" if they don't agree with you.
No, I'm not going to talk about religion (I don't care what you believe in provided that you don't harm others or try to push it onto other people. You can believe in a giant wish granting green pig for all I care. Heheh. MY PIGGY LORD!)
I'm going to talk about something which, generally, is much closer to my heart.

I'm going to talk about Music.

In a conversation with Lambie, he asked me what I thought of Silverchair's Diorama. I declared it was the only Silverchair Album I didn't have, and that it was "Fucking Awful", which meant 2/5. It was then suggested that a better idea would be to compile a ranking scale that allowed me to demonstrate my incredibly horrible grading scale. And so we begin:

0/5 - This is the stage where I seriously consider ordering a 'hit' on the responsible party(s). These songs are only useful as torture devices. If it's on your playlist, you're getting fired into the sun.
Examples:Everything that was written by Eminem, 50 Cent, or others of this "(c)rap/rap(e)"/generic Hippity Hops subgenre (I think it's called "Urban") in any way, shape or form (Not that he actually writes his own stuff. None of those idiots do), Le Tigre - (Self Titled), The god-awful bands my dear brother had to mix when he was training to be an Audio Technician. Usually Teenagers/Potheads/both singing about being pregnant. Again. This is where my dear girlfriend would put T.I.S.M., but for me, this is the result of my brain-dead radio-nazi culturally-devoid coworker singing along to the stuff listed in the 1/5 category.

1/5 - Useful as a frizbee, or to see what happens to silicon based plastics in a microwave. If it's on your playlist, then your playlist gets VETO'd. A quick test is this: Do the Emo kiddies love it to pieces? If yes, then score no higher than
Example: Anything made by Nick Skitz, My Chemical No Pants, Nelly Retardo, and who ever else is the latest voice modulated, tone-deaf, plastic arsefez to be played on NXFM. I don't actively listen to this crap, so I've got no idea really.

2/5 - Bland/Pretty Fucking Awful/Coaster Territory. Have to really ask yourself if it's worth leaving the computer on to download. Cover Art can still be quite pretty to look at, but unfortunately music isn't about looking at pretty things. If it's on your playlist, it better be in the parts where noone's listening, or your playlist can be considered "teh sux" . Nothing on NXFM I've ever heard can score higher than this.
Examples: Silverchair - Diorama. Lake of Bass - Coincidence Control, Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing (although, the fact it's got a song called "Burger Queen" gave me a chuckle), Most stuff by the Deftones

3/5 -Good/Average. Have to consider Somewhat before buying. If it's on your playlist it's definitely getting there, but you have much to learn, Grasshopper. I won't complain about the playlist, but I won't be praising it to the high heavens. You've usually heard this stuff a bit too much around the traps to be in love with it.
Examples: Plump DJ's - Eargasm, Pnau - Again, Powderfinger - Odyssey Number Five. Peter Bjorn And John - Writer's Block, Probot - (Self Titled), NIN - With Teeth, Faithless - No Roots (The Singles of this album are so much better than the actual original tracks, but Faithless always seem to do this for some reason), Gorillaz's stuff.

4/5 - The Great stuff, Always worth a listen, but missing something that elevates it to the lofty heights of *special*. If it's on your playlist, and there's lots of tracks of this calibre, then you're doing alot better than most of the braindead DJ's out there.
Examples: Amon Tobin's Stuff, Regurgitator - Eduardo & Rodriguez wage war on T-wrecks, Propellerheads - Decksanddrumsandrockandroll, Katalyst - What's Happening, Most of Tom Wait's albums , Mark Lanegan's Solo projects, Fight Club Soundtrack, NIN - Year Zero, Goldfrapp - Black Cherry, Cut Copy - Bright Like Neon Love, Portishead tracks such as Sour Times, Numbered In Moscow, and Glory Box, The Presets can go here, Eskimo Joe too.

5/5 - The Gold/Platnum Ingots Collection. If it's not on the playlist, then your playlist *sucks* the testes of the african hyena. Common behaviour when the artist releases new material is to preorder the most limited editon with the largest amount of tracks available, adding all the bonus materials you can get your nasty little claws on.
Examples: Katalyst's earlier work, Anything David Holmes, Tom Wait's finer moments, The Interstate '76 Soundtrack, Deodato's work, RJD2's The Horror & Deadringer, Goldfrapp - Felt Mountain (although my dear brother calls it Whale Sex music. But he likes Nick Skitz, and you don't have to guess hard what I think of Nick Skitz, considering it's on this list as an example.. somewhere), Chris Joss - You've Been Spiked, The Herbaliser - Very Mercenary, Kid Koala's Stuff, Mr Scruff's Stuff (CHICKEN IN A BOX!), Evil Nine's Stuff, Salmonella Dub's Stuff, The Jimi Entley Sound, Jimi Hendrix - Hush Now (It was linked to in one of the earliest posts, get it, then tell me if I'm wrong), The Bees - The Russian, Chicken Payback

6/5 - Could possibly be considered better than a 20+ minute orgasm with the willing, concenting person/celebrity of your choice. If you don't like this, you don't deserve to have cochlea. Almost no Albums exist that fill this category. Usually this category is reserved for tracks so special to you, that you can have almost violent reactions to negative critism of them. These songs are often what define you, or move you deeply, be it emotionally, soulfully, or with the sheer power of AWESOME-O-SAURUS! Therefore, this category is the hardest to provide examples for.
Examples: Klonhertz - Three Girl Rhumba, Resin Dogs - Gunshot Dub, Katalyst - Uprock This, Martina Topley Bird - Sandpaper Kisses (I'd imagine that in QN's case, this would be Tom Wait's Finest Moments, and in Lambie's, Sarah Blasko would be here.)

So there you have it. Now it's time to run & hide from the inevitable blasting that's about to occur for calling someone's favourite band "Bland".
TO THE BUNKER!

Thoughts from 4 A.M. - OR - An insight into the mind of Seb when it's not quite working...

4 A.M. is a strange time. It's a time when you've either been awake for far too long for it to be sensible (I don't care what you do, Night-shifts be damned!), or you've woken up because a bat flew into the power lines and is spazzing about to fend off it's tort attacker.
It also has been a time where the mind ticks over from the setting required for logical thought, when cognitive processes align with each other, to some kind of motley crew that resembles thinking. I'm not sure if it's a blessing, but I have never had a conversation with someone at 4 A.M., 3 A.M., sure, not a problem. But 4? Hell no. To use the oft quoted line: "We can't stop here. This is BAT COUNTRY", the mind is simply not designed to work at this time. I may not have had conversations with others, but for some freaky reason, the best person to talk to at that time seems to be, well, myself.
"Seb, is this bloggicle going to be funny? Where's the jokes? Why aren't there any jokes? Are you going EMO? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?", you've probably started ranting at the monitor
Don't worry, Acolytes, it's not Emo-O'Clock. It's.... THE RETURN OF THE GODDESS
Time to reveal some of the stranger things that have occured at 4 A.M.!
HOORAY!
Let's see....

1. I convinced myself that "If you kill A.L.F., you BECOME A.L.F."
2. That "Nailing wood to trees" was a brilliant idea that would make me lots of money
3. The sport "Catty-sac" would not only be hilarious, but an Olympic sport by 2016 (As you have probably guessed, it's Hacky-Sack, but with cats)
   
4. I saw someone kill bugs & then pleasure himself with one of these
5. I pulled over my car to the side of the road in my farming neighbourhood to take a photo of a "Hairy Witch", only to discover that it was a horse, and that I didn't have a camera (See, this is why Dr. Karl tells us not to drive between Midnight & 8 A.M!). Needless to say, shouting resulted.
6. Chased & caught a cat whilst screaming the words "LIKE IN SPLINTERY CELLS 3! WITH KNIVES! "
7. I penned a witty satire of Guerilla Radio, but didn't get past the chorus ("Lights Out! Monkey Wireless! Turn that shit off!"), because I thought that Zack de la Rocha would be offended.
   

Oh dear oh deary me. The mind is a terrible thing.