GAME OVER

The question we must ask ourselves is: IS THIS THE END OF THE BLOG?


in the words of a great man:

Ya, the end.

It's time we talked about something serious...

Yes... yes it is.

We all know it is only a matter of time before it happens, and so I am here to inform you that preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse will be a good thing for you.

For starters, it gives you additional preparation for other, more trivial, disasters. Major Earthquakes, Floods, Fire-Of-London and Bad Disaster Movie style events can all be accounted for in your Zombie Apocalypse plan, for nothing takes quite as much preparation as your plans to survive the unending hordes of the dead. Not only do you have to have an escape plan (useful for all disasters) and additional food supplies (useful for longer term disasters), you also know what to do when some one or some people decide to begin trouble down a dark alley.

In order to be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, you need to be fit. Let's face it, a quick and easy meal is the food of choice for pretty much all of the mindless people/zombies out there. Therefore, you must make yourself a hard meal for the zombies. The easiest way to do that is to be faster than your soon-to-be dead associates. Taking up a sport will put you in good stead for when the time comes. You don't necessarily have to be a world class athlete either, just being faster than the slowest person is enough to save your skin (and brains). Not are you only just improving your overall fitness levels, and so quality of life, you are giving yourself a tremendous advantage over other people in the Apocalypse.

Sports that focus on hitting, such as Hockey, Tennis and Cricket, will also give you additional training in use of blunt instruments.

Those of you with siblings probably already have a headstart too as there were countless hours of “play” fighting that should come in useful. You never know when a kick to the head that removes teeth will come in handy. I know I have trained for that.

Team Sports can focus on team work with people. It is essential that, when everything goes to hell, you know you can trust your partners.
If all else fails some sneaky tricks, like tripping over your associates, may give you those vital few seconds that can make the difference between you becoming a zombie or not be coming a zombie. Anyone who has played sports where there were dickheads on the opposition, or those who had siblings, will know how to apply such a manoeuvre and it can greatly increase your chance of survival.

Some of you may already be learning how to deal with zombies in their day-to-day life, and this is a brilliant thing. I know that there are a solid portion of people within this town that already show zombie-fever-like symptoms:

• Lethargy

• Inability to think or move quick

• Stupidity

• Desire to inflict pain and suffering on those around them

• Inability to take care of themselves.

Identifying these symptoms in people will allow you to know who is infected and who is not. Don't let differential diagnosis, like Alcohol Intoxication or mental retardation, fool you – many people are already infected and it is just a matter of time before they go berserk. By recognising these symptoms, and more, you can make yourself aware of how likely the Zombie Apocalypse will happen within the next week and take further precautions as necessary.

Some preparation for the undead hordes may include purchase of otherwise innocuous equipment. Such things as Samurai swords and bamboo fencing are not only useful in the Apocalypse, but can substantially increase the value of a room or home.

Now, to the benefits to be had mid- and post- Apocalypse.
We all know that people are constantly worried about job security. Well, you won't be worried about that during the apocalypse. In fact, you are guaranteed employment during and after the Apocalypse. It will be easy to change jobs too. No longer will you be bored in an office somewhere. One day you could be a major general organising a mass movement of troops through hostile territory, the next you might be the manager of a construction site. The day after you could be head chef of your own restaurant and the day after that you might be a lone philosopher or a medical doctor. With such a wide array potential job choices, it's hard to see why people could think that the Zombie Apocalypse will be a bad thing for the working person.
And job satisfaction is always high whilst working through an Apocalypse because nothing says job satisfaction like the phrase “I am glad I am alive today.”

After the decay of bodies has been complete, a process that may not take all that long in some areas, the air quality should be vastly improved. There will be very little pollution from vehicle emissions, so even big cities will see the smog start to clear after a week or so.

Land will be dirt cheap during and after an apocalypse. In fact, the only places that will still be in high demand, and so therefore high price, during an Apocalypse will be the Supermarket, Fuel Stations (for a little bit anyway), the Hospitals, Boats and the Pubs. Everywhere else will be basically free once you get the squatters off the territory. Just think... you could be living in a mansion by the seaside once this all blows over!

I am sure that there are many other benefits to the Zombie Apocalypse that I have not thought of, so add some of your own tips and thoughts to the comments.

ADVICE

Anyone got anything to add?

A Clip Show in List Form

While one could argue about the definition of "meme" and whether it can be applied to a small social group as opposed to a group of hundred or thousands of people, you can't deny that said small social group will have plenty of in-jokes and repeated phrases that would have been defined as memes had they been spread through a larger group of people that understood them.

What better way to commemorate the fact that by the end of the year, everyone we met at Uni probably won't be there anymore than by creating a list of all our in-jokes that we had over those wonderful yet stress filled years. Here then, in no particular order except the one I remembered them in, is a bunch of stuff that you've probably erased from your memory (or weren't ever there for):

-- "Yeeeees."
-- A certain someone's ink factory. (You know who you are.)
-- ReefMaster and the Bucket of Slops. (It almost sounds like a Harry Potter rip-off.)
-- Art Day.
-- Horrible puns.
-- The Brennan Room tables.
-- Poking people in the ribcage. (Boy, did Facebook ruin the whole idea of poking someone.)
-- Sausage rat.
-- Dew-sease.
-- OxMan (and eventually the OxMan code, which as far as I know was never cracked).
-- Dodgy pasta.
-- The Outbreak of Sadness
-- Half Past Dead. (Which I eventually reviewed, many years later.)
-- Maitland and Maitland Mall.
-- Whenever Eurovision comes up, DANCING.

No doubt I've forgotten many more. That's what comments are for.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A "THE BEST 2010 EVER", A mandatory post.

Listen Up, Fools!
It's getting up to that time of the year when everyone looks back and goes "YEAH". Like when you're driving down the street and you think you see a yellow lambda symbol on a building (with a box of goodies hidden nearby?), but then realise it's just a slightly twisted christmas decoration in a recently flood ravaged city, and that you shouldn't have taken this road into town because it is the last weekend before SKOOL HOLIDAZE and every bastard is out buying things RIGHT NAO.
So as you sit in the traffic jam, contemplating how poor your decision making has been on this sunny day (let's face it, any day which starts with someone screaming "NAKED TIME" is going to be an interesting one at the very least), the mind wanders back over the things that have come and gone in the last several months or whatever. Then someone beeps their car horn at you and you drive off down a sidestreet to avoid shame, only to end up heading in the opposite direction that you initally intended.
Then you spend the next 3 or 4 weeks doing virutally nothing, and someone yells at you about being lazy, causing you to FLY INTO ACTION. LIKE SO:

So, now we are safe from the JUDGEMENTAL PUBLIC, it is time to for JUDGEMENTAL PRIVATES. Also stuff music lists. If you want them, just hit up Farcebook and see what the kids and kiddies are voting for in the Snottiest 100.


Inception
A straightforward heist film. The plot's simple enough, and everything is spelt out fairly clearly but one of the attractive characters. Also worth it just for the following image:

Scott Pilgrim VS The World
I have never watched this film sober. I think it's so I forget all the additional stuff that happens and how wildly the film deviates from the original story after/during the first fight. That said, the movie is great, possibly even better if you've never read the books. The Scott in the movie is a significantly whingier version, but it's ok because everyone is insane / a filthy canadian hipster.


The Social Network
Yeah, this one's my favourite of the year, hands down. Maybe just because it's one of the best displays of Cold Genius and Rich Man's Entitlement around. Trent Reznor did the soundtrack. Also there's a scene which looks like a miniture set! YAY!
Actually, the reason I liked it so much was that it was just inspiring, in that it made me want to be the best that I can be in whatever field I love.


Tron: Legacy
Haven't seen it. I saw the 1982 version though, and I think that's a legacy system, so I've technically seen it! YEAH!


Space Funeral
A crying man in his pajamas and a bit of a horse go off in search of something with the help of a Peanuts character, meet Dracula (who likes drinkings and smoking weeds), find poorly coded segments full of errors, and go to the town with "MANY GOODS and CRIMINALS", amongst other things. With a menu that offers "BLOOD", "BLOOD", and "BLOOD" as the three options, you sorta know what you're in for.
It's suspiciously similar to Achewood in the tone, but who cares, because we need more things that are not afraid to be insane. Actually, I reckon I've been wanting to play this for years, and just never realised it. Also the music sounds like it just crawled out of a poorly made vintage film about Teenagers in dangerous situations or something. I mean, good god, here's a snippet from a Wiki page about one of the bands on the soundtrack:
"In 1970, the original bass player Moriaki Wakabayashi was involved in the hijacking of Japan Airlines Flight 351 orchestrated by the Japanese Red Army. Singer Takashi Mizutani was allegedly offered a role in the hijacking, but turned it down." For more madness, hit this dude up.
So yeah, if that floats your boat, it might be worth checking out the rest of their madness.
A more eloquent summary can be found here


Veggie Tales 3D
I think the most accurate way I could describe this piece of insane genius is "Matt Graham: THE GAME".
Worth it just for the walking around town and screaming at everyone.
Therefore, I am completely enamored with this.


One Chance
This is the only Webgame that's actually moved me in some way. And not in the bowel way, like the majority of poorly coded Farmville knock-offs tend to.
It's basically "I AM LEGEND", except a little more dire, but it's nice and upfront about things, even if it is a little ambiguous about what it actually means. Blegh, go and play, and then feel terrible about yourself. Also you can try to guess what I did. Also there's no Replay, so you can mope about it even MOAR.
Now excuse me, I need to go and sit in the corner for the sole purposes of crying and sobbing.


Digital: A Love Story
Right, off the DEPRESSIO one, and on to something much better! A Lurve story, and one of the finest of our age. Don't believe me? Ask Lambie. THEN GET YOUR BBS AMIGA ON!


Principles of Magnetohydrodynamics With Applications to Laboratory and Astrophysical Plasmas
Hmm, how can I put this? It's "DA FUKKIN SHIT!".


Fallout: New Vegas
Chandler shot me in the brain. Hijinks ensured. People will think me Strange but my brother got me a Fallout 3 Bobblehead for Christmas (to which I reacted with screams of "omg omg omg omg omg YES"), and now I want to play it MOAR and MOAR and MOAR, even though they're not in this one. I dunno. Snowglobes just don't do it for me. I do like giving up on shooting things sometimes and just doing this, or even better, THIS.
Needs more insane AI though. Like this one:


Super Meat Boy
There's just something so joyous about a game where you go "split splat split splat" everytime you move, jump, or (inevitably) die. THE STORY IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WILL CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.


Burnout Paradise
I'm not a good driver in the COMPUTER LAND. I'm fine admiting this. This game however, is fun. Fun in a "GTA without the shooting or running over people" and with "BRUTAL CRASHES that the RTA should use in their Speeding is for Stereotyped Targets of Hatred (Warning: EXTREMELY NSFW) ads or something"



DeathSpank
A condescending, jolly trot through the countryside, stuffing orphans in a bag for a re-election campaign photoshoot. Wait, what? You're a dude in a tight pair of purple undies (I believe the Emericans call them "Thongs"), going around beating things up for flimsy reasons that make sense in his diseased brain. GOOD TIMES.



Poker Night at the Inventory
I'm not a great poker player, I'll happily admit that. What I'll also admit is that this game is completely spastic. Spastic in a "I'll go all in on a pair of 3's" kind of spastic. The only way to win in this game apparently is dumb luck, and since you're playing against the computer, which also knows what cards everyone has, I have an inherient distrust of the whole getup.
But it gives you cosmetic items for TF2, so who cares. (I DO. I MUST HAVE ALL OF THEM)


Back To The Future - The Game
Oh man, the last time I got this excited about the 80's was that time I started screaming "Take On Me" while waiting for my burgers at Maccas. The Michael J Fox sound-a-like is perfect, THE PAGE MASTAR is back as the Science Man, and if the opening notes don't make you jitter, then you are dead to me. Here's hoping the rest of the season pans out as well as the opening act has.
It's so good it made me go and watch the outtakes from the first film, where Marty is a homophobe, Doc reads a Playboy, and then Michael J Fox calls his mum a "Biiiitch" in a mexican accent.

VVVVVV
FUCKING SPIKES.
But yeah...
I do like how the characters have 2 expressions only: HAPPY and SADS. It is the best way to express EVERY EMOTION.


Dragon Age: Awakening
The last boss can be classified simply as "What, eww", but then you leave one of your weapons in her/its neck and walk off into the hole in the earth sunset, so about frigging time this game ended yay!. Fun Fact: I actually gave up on this game 10 minutes out of the proper ending, because I just did not care any more. Let's just chalk this one up to a writer who doesn't know how to properly carry off an arc.


DELIGHTFUL GIRLFRIEND!
She get's the 2010 award of "Best". In every category, expect maybe as a mode of transport, and I suppose as a building material also. That just about sums it up.

And that brings to a close this list! PEACE OUT, Y'ALL.

It was the Day before Christmas...

And temperatures are currently 39 degrees Celsius.
At 11am.
Apparently, it's supposed to hit 42. I am pretty sure we'll beat that.
And that's also apparently nothing, according to one of our travelling sonographers. Karratha hits this temperature by 9 am.

Why yes, that is a fairy on a giant dump truck covered in tinsel going down Hannan Street.
Our Christmas parades are awesome.

Hope you have Fun :)
Travis.

The Machines are Sentient.

...and they are malevolent?

Yes. I mean we've known that they have had intelligence for a long time but now I know that they have personalities.

How is it that you find that they manifest this... personality?

It's different from machine to machine, of course, but I think that they are plotting our down fall.

Let's start from the beginning. How did you come to this conclusion?

I think it was from when I first got here. On my first day out I thought I noticed something odd about the traffic lights and, in particular, the pedestrian crossing lights. I couldn't quite place it until a few days later when I saw that they conspired to hold up traffic in all directions. For minutes at a time, the entire flow of traffic through this small town is put at a stand still because of the machines.

You don't think that this might be due to human factors?

Not a chance. Surely there aren't people that stupid to make it do things like that. No, the traffic lights and pedestrian crossing lights figured out a way to communicate with each other in such a way that one can sleep while the other is awake and the pedestrian lights care not for traffic concerns.

Was there anything else that concerned you?

Plenty of things. Let's talk about the OPG Machine.

“OPG”?

Orthopantomography. The pictures of your teeth that dentists use.

Ah. Go on.

Well, at first the machine and I were friends. It didn't like most people, and regularly decided not to work for them until multiple people intervened. But I knew how to.... push all of its good buttons, so to speak. But then, after a few months, it all started to go wrong. The machine started to make small errors creep in. Things like not working when I pushed the “Go” button and not working when I changed it to... take side on pictures of people's heads. Later on, it refused to go for one of our crew. It really didn't like her much to begin with, but this was the first time that it flatly refused to work at all, not even for the people that it was normally nice to.

I see.

Yeah. Even when we gave it it's own room, it did not really like us too much. For starters, its powerpoint in an awkward position so that moving the machine vertically sometimes grated on the cords and nearly knocked itself out.

Surely that could be attributed to human error because, after all, a human put the machine there.

Well... I might give you that one. But that still doesn't mean it was nice. It made different noises after a little while. I don't think it liked its new room very much, it was a lot smaller than its previous room. It probably didn't help that we made it share the room, in the end, with an older Ultrasound machine too. X-Ray and Ultrasound don't always get on too well with each other.

Are there any more issues with machines at your work?

I could go on for days. We'll start with the basic X-Ray system in Room One. For a while there it refused to cut out on automatic exposures. We had to perform a minor system lobotomy on it to fix the problem, but only a few weeks later it decided that it would blow it's main top.

“It's main top”?

Yeah, the whole tube shorted out. We had to perform full scale brain surgery to fix that one. Truth be told, I don't think it liked us much after we removed the OPG machine from the room.

So the OPG machine used to live in the same room as X-Ray One?

Yeah. They lived together for a very long time so I guess it is only fair that they didn't work as well after they were split up. They were rebelling against us because they were unhappy.

Anything else?

The system that we have that links the reception area to the X-Ray sorting room is constantly not performing as it should. I think that the program has gained sentience because it constantly asks for days off and, when we do not accede to its requests, it takes several days off in protest. But, I guess that's what happens when the system names itself “Mirth”.

Your system named itself “Mirth”?

That's the name it tells us it is called. I am fairly sure that a human wouldn't call a system a name like that if it was supposed to do what it was meant to. I mean, Microsoft Works has been sentient for over a decade now. Mirth has only just figured out how to generate itself a personality. But I guess it is only fair: We all get days off and silicon intelligence now wants the same rights. These systems are rarely put to sleep, so I guess sleep deprivation is the same for computers.

I'll move on to CT. Recently, as in the past six months, I think that the mouse on the reconstruction console has developed sentience. And it does not like working either. It will simply stop moving randomly once a month, though it is getting more frequent with two episodes this week alone. Sometimes it also randomises the cursor on the screen too and will stop working properly then too. Performing hygenic acts on it, like cleaning it, does not seem to work so we have to put it to sleep and wake it up again. I think it might have both epilepsy and narcolepsy.

Are there any other machine problems limited to work?

The system that links our PACS, that is a picture archive system, to the rest of the world and sometimes even the rest of the department has learnt limited sentience. I blame Mirth here, because the problems are similar. I think it learnt how to do it from Mirth because it is acting in exactly the same way that Mirth did when it first started showing personality. It must be in training. I think it is also teaching the scanner because, for the past week, the scanner has decided to stop talking to the online PACS system for the radiologists. The scanner must be a fast learner.

How about any other issues outside of work?

Well, how about the credit card swipey things at stores?

What about them?

Sometimes they just don't work, no matter what direction my card is facing. And then, when the cashier does it, it works fine first time every time. It really pisses me off.

Does it upset you?

Upset me? Hell yeah it upsets me. Why don't they work for me but some one else? I think they have it in for me. It's just embarrassing.

Anything else?

Well what about music?

What about music?

Take the Bloody Beetroots, for example. Their music sounds as if a computer randomly selected a few keys and repeated them ad nausem and people like it.

How does that imply that the machine has a personality?

It's controlling us through some form of possibly subliminal audio frequencies.

The machine knows what people want to dance to, or at least it knows what murder on a computerised scale would sound like.

But, see, the machine from the Bloody Beetroots does its own songs and it sounds like computerised vomit on a metronome but it also does remixes that sound friendly.

Oh, major one: Auto-tune! There is no finer example than today's Top 40 chart of malicious machines brain washing the masses.

What sort of music do you listen to?

Hey, that's irrelevant. Those machines know what they are doing.

That doesn't answer the question.

Since I figure we are still talking computerised stuff, I'll say that Drum'n'Bass is hot at the moment, with a bit of trance, dance and techno too.

I am not really familiar with some of those, but some of them I do know and they are highly mechanised. In your own words, what do they involve?

Those are the good machines. Like the Bloody Beetroots, they know what people want to dance to but they are a little more friendly about it.... even if it is at a faster BPM.

That sounds a little hypocritical.

I'm not the machines. I didn't say all of them are malicious, I just said that they had personalities.

Back to the machines brainwashing, do you think that it is at all possible that the machines on the music you listen to are brainwashing you?

…. Let's move on.

OK. So far we have most of the machines in your department, the traffic lights, the credit card swipers and music. Is there anything else causing you concern?

My iron is evil. Some weeks, it is perfectly fine with me. Others, it will chuck a hissy fit literally. It will drip water all over the dried clothes. Given that the water here dries with a white stain and most of my clothes are not of that colour, I think that it really doesn't like me during those weeks.

The washing machine also has issues with me some times. Particularly earlier on, it used to nibble on my clothes a bit.

I've heard of washing machines eating clothes before, but this one only nibbles on them?

Yeah. It sort of chews them a little bit. Enough to make some threads go loose but not enough to tear vital things. I have lost maybe four or five sets of clothes to it in the past twelve or so months. I think it also has a limited taste for socks too. I lose one only to find it a week or two later in another load of washing. Maybe it's just storing them for later times and remembers that they are socks. Enough to annoy.

Oh, my oven doesn't really like me. I tell it to go to a temperature and sometimes things will cook properly for the given temperature and sometimes they won't. For example, one night I was cooking cookies and set it to the temperatures recommended on the box and they took twice as long as they should have to cook. A few days later, the same thing at the same temperature and I had burnt them whilst having them in for less time at supposedly the same temperature. Evil, I tell you. I think one day it intends to give me food poisoning by deliberately not cooking something at a high enough temperature.

Does anything happen to anyone else?

Hmm, well I know a neighbour had problem with her washing machine eating her clothes. Actually, I don't think eating is the correct word here. But I guess it was taking something away from the clothes because they kept getting smaller. I don't know of anyone else that had that trouble.

Another one of my neighbours has a lot of trouble with her dryer. It started off ok, but it has recently started getting boisterous and generally loud.

I've seen machines at the Hospital not work for certain people. Come to think about it, many of the problems in our department seem to come up more often when one of our crew is operating them. The problem with the OPG machine? The same person as the one where the mouse on the CT machine suffers narcoleptic and epileptic fits. Maybe its because all of the X-Ray machines know that she is training for Ultrasound.

And half of the problems with the systems at the hospital generally aren't directly related to me, so I guess that means that they are other people's problems.
What else... I know that some of the email systems have become conscious because they keep sending me replies telling me that these people are away even though I know that they are not.

I see. Is that everything?

I think I will tell you about the two most personal experiences.

First there was my car. I've had it for a few years now since my granma gave it to me when she got a new one. For a long time, we were pretty good friends but then I had to move over here. I got it shipped over from the eastern states, but when it got here, it refused to do anything for me. I think it was still mad at me for when I went back to the eastern states for a short while and I used it again but then I went away and didn't see it for a few more months.

You don't suppose it wouldn't start because of a flat battery?

No, that's what they want you to believe. That charge they give it is for Electroconvulsive Therapy to lobotomise it and make it forget why it was mad in the first place. See, I know this to be true because after the therapy it was working fine until a few months later when I changed its number plates as per state regulations. I think I may have removed its soul or something for it now drinks a lot more petrol. It might be trying to fill the void. It really is not happy with me. I mean we are still friends, but I notice that it is drinking a lot more so that usually means that someone is not happy.

You said there was two personal experiences. What was the other?

The other was my laptop. See, occasionally for the space of about two or three weeks, it will stop starting up if there is a DVD or CD in the disc drive, and it will not forgive you if you turn the power off or on whilst it is awake. It takes a quite a few tries and doing quite a few really odd things to get it working again.

What sort of odd things?

You're probably not going to believe it, but sometimes I would have to hang it upside down or on its side when I wanted it to wake up. And even then it would take a few goes.

How did that make you feel?

Well, it makes me feel like I have been betrayed by one of my best friends. I mean, I came to this side of the country knowing no one and my laptop was one of the few connections I had to the past and it came over with me. It felt like a stab in the back the first time it happened. When it first started working properly again, it was like I was a parent trying to get a child out of bed.

Is that all?

Well, more or less. There are a few niggling things, like my mobile phone deciding that an area that had four out of four bars of reception one minute ago is now an area of zero reception. But, then again, I've always had a little problem with reception on that phone. I think it does not really like going to sleep either because everytime I do it, it takes substantially more battery power to switch on than it does to leave it on constantly. I did a bit of an experiment, whereby I would switch off my phone during working hours and compare the battery use with leaving it on over those hours. Turns out that I can get a whole day's more charge out of it just by leaving it on all the time. I think it must take more battery power to remember how it felt just prior to being put to sleep.

Well, that is all of the time we have for today.

So, what do you think? I'm not mad, right?

Hah, no but I think a stint on a ward might do you some good. We might take a tour of the hospital tomorrow.

Haha, ok.

Wait...
By “a ward”, do you mean “a ward” as in any of the wards we have, or “A” ward as in the specific ward of the psychiatric unit?

Well, that's not really of your concern but I will let you know that the doctors and nurses there are very caring of their patients. Also, I am now currently distracting you.

Huh?

I would very much appreciate it, and you will too in the end, if you do not wriggle around whilst the burly gentlemen give you a white suit and a gag.

NNNNNOOOOOOooooo.... *gags*